Proud To Be Pleasured

I recently stumbled upon the excitingly named Dirty Girls Ministries. It’s not as fun as it sounds. This ministry, based in Kansas, aims to ‘help’ women deal with the horror that is female masturbation. Because we all know the world will implode if women actually enjoy sex.

It’s a tiny business which is hardly representative of mainstream culture. But it got me thinking about how rarely I hear girls talking about what gets them off.

We’ve basically accepted that men masturbate. It’s a fact. We may not like to analyse it in too much detail, but if a male friend told me he never did it, I’d be a little suspicious. But I’ve frequently heard girls squeak in denial if the issue is ever brought up: “of course they don’t do it, that’s dirty.”

Female masturbation: the last taboo?

Obviously I’m not pressuring anyone. But why are guys so much more laid-back about masturbation than girls? Women are physiologically more complicated than men, which means discovering what we like and how to get it is even more important. It’s inevitably going to lead to better sex, and makes life when single a lot more satisfying. If I didn’t know how to get off on my own, I honestly don’t know how I would have survived my last break-up.

Have I shocked you? Has my admission to masturbating triggered your TMI-filter? Because if there’s nothing wrong with masturbation (and there isn’t – it’s a side-effect free method of pleasure and relaxation), what’s wrong with talking about it? I don’t believe people actually think I’m a bad person for engaging in such behaviour, but the reluctance to even discuss it reinforces the idea that women should not enjoy themselves sexually.

So, I want to hear girls recommending their favourite vibrators and discussing their tastes in porn. I want women to be as open about sexual pleasure as men are, and that means admitting that we don’t need to have partners to get off, and that masturbation is not only harmless, but beneficial to our sex-lives and well-being.