Wouldn’t be at Oxford: St John’s to Serve Lobster

As if you needed another reason to hate John’s.

In approximately four weeks, the college will introduce lobster into the regular rotation of dishes available to members.

With red and white as their colours, perhaps the John’s Redboys could adopt a lobster as their mascot

Johnian Niyi, who hit national headlines after making public his plans to leave the world of rapping, may be held responsible for the exciting news.

Having sourced a reliable and affordable source of lobster in Cambridge for his own foodie venture, the second year student decided to spread the word. After extensive talks with John’s Michelin-starred head of Catering and Conferences, Bill Brogan, on the economics of serving the tasty crustacean, it was agreed that lobster bisque will now appear on college menus.

While most Cambridge students are undoubtedly fed well (a Pembroke Student, in reaction to the news noted that they’re served gastronomic delights such as salmon tartare “a la French Laundry” and sundried tomato sorbet) the opulence of lobster remains unavailable as of yet to Cambridge colleges besides John’s.

That’s one way of dealing with Mr Asbo…

Nonetheless, Johnians have yet to sample swan, amidst rumours that it was once served to guests of the college’s legendary May Ball several decades ago. Perhaps that will come sooner rather than later, as a way of dealing with a certain boatie bother.