Boy found in Murray Edwards

A male human was found in Murray Edwards College in the early hours of Tuesday morning.

The student appears to have slept there all night, presumably unable to escape the college grounds after hours.

He was found by a porter in the Froud room, a space usually reserved for TV watching and women. Not only was the student an unregistered guest, he had also relieved himself in a water jug during the night.

The  dean of the college deemed the incident “unacceptable”, and emailed all students at the college requesting either “an explanation or apology.”

Ready, Steady, Pee

The event marks yet another incident of masculine meddlers at Cambridge, the female-only colleges in particular having a complicated relationship with male indecency. In 2011, students at Murray Edwards were victims of a public masturbator, whilst a Newnham girl was understandably distressed when a naked stranger broke into her room last year.

The scene of the crime

Murray Edwards has a policy of strict punishment for unwelcome men: one Fitz student was fined £300 when he ran through college grounds naked, but has since claimed that lessons were learnt about “the context of nudity.”

This time, however, it seems that the female students themselves are to be blamed. In the same bracing email, the dean warned that “specific individuals” may be questioned further.

A student at the college commented: “I’m happy to talk to boys, but when they pee on our stuff, I know that Trinity rejecting me was a good thing after all.”

The Tab would like to remind Murray Edwards students that while they may entertain visitors at any time, those who arrive between 11.00 pm and 6.00 am must be met and accompanied to and from college rooms.