Jesus Vs Girton: Caesarean Sunday Fight lineups announced

Ali vs Foreman. Shawn Michaels vs The Undertaker. Lannisters vs Starks. Jesus Caesareans vs Girton Green Monsters.

The ‘greatest sporting event’ in the world. The similarities are undeniable. An age-old battle between two superpowers in college brawling. Yesterday we witnessed the sides squaring off prior to their Caesarean Sunday showdown. The Tab was there to bring you all the news of the forthcoming contest.

The bookies are split. Most seem to be backing Jesus despite Girton’s sizeable weight advantage. But it is time to make your own decision. Check out the vital players below and decide who you’re going to support this C-Sunday. May the best side win.

Jesus Caesareans:

Phillip ‘Beanpole’ Grunwald:

Vitals: 6ft7, 57kg.

Drink of choice: The Sharm

Finishing move: Full Nelson

Aggression level: 7/10

Beanpole Grunwald was an unusual choice for the Jesus side. Weighing in at just 57kg, what he lacks in conventional distribution of muscle and weight he makes up for in determination. Phillip has prepared for this year’s fight by bulking up from 2013’s 52kg.

The hallowed ground of Sunday’s contest. A venerable colosseum of tradition and drunkards

Joseph ‘Nutter’ Craxton

Vitals: 6ft2, 82kg.

Drink of choice: Whiskey sour

Finishing move: 450^o Splash

Aggression level: 10/10

This fan favourite is ready for his fourth consecutive Caesarean Sunday. Renowned for bringing a pig’s head on a stick to the 2010 fight, Nutter will be ready for whatever the Green Monsters can throw at him.

Likely to make a return?

Vince ‘Meriwether’ MacNevin

Vitals: 6ft1 , 90kgs

Drink of choice: Baby Guinness

Finishing move: Over The Shoulder Boulder Houlde

Aggression level: 7/10

Easily recognisable by his faux hipster attire and blatant disregard of the male gender, Vince is most definitely a BNOC within Jesus College. Be prepared for his shirt to be ‘accidently lost’ during the fight.

Meriwether’s drink of choice prior to Sunday’s contest

James ‘Wallace’ Scott

Vitals: 5ft8, 65kgs

Drink of choice: Bottle o’ Ranger

Finishing move: Tombstone Piledriver

Aggression level: 9/10

This new recruit from Scotland will lull you into a false sense of security with his ginger hair and small stature before delivering the killer punch. Be prepared for a dirty fight if you end up on the wrong side of this destructive northerner.

Recent post-cindies snap

Captain Kingsley ‘Ormond’ Trask

Vitals: 6ft4, 85kgs

Drink of choice: Michelada

Finishing move: Stone Cold Stunner

Aggression level: 8.5/10

Kingsley has been waiting to lead the Caesareans into their almost legendary fight since he was initiated on C-Sunday in 2009. Known for spreading love and joy through the medium of alcohol, violence and polygamy, he may seem like an underdog, but he is as dangerous as ever.

The traditional weigh-in was edged by the sizeable Green Monsters

Girton Green Monsters:

Anthony ‘Baldric’ Snyder

Vitals: 5ft4, 62kgs

Drink of choice: Pimms

Finishing move: Rock Bottom

Aggression level: 9/10

This fourth-generation Green Monster is ready to make his debut on Sunday. Whilst lacking size and weight over the Jesus boys, Snyder’s aggression could prove to be a deciding factor when the fists begin to fly.

Unapproved design for the Monsters’ mascot

Adrian “Varfolomey” Mac Cléirich

Vitals: 6ft1, 110kg

Drink of choice: Vodka, straight

Finishing move: DDT

Aggression level: 10/10

Girton’s Eastern-European weapon, Adrian is named after one of the most famous boxing-movie characters of all time, albeit a woman. Mac Cléirich has prepared for his second C-Sunday fight by spending the off-season climbing in sub-Saharan Africa. Whether this wall-o-muscle proves useful remains to be seen.

Mac Cléirich’s drink of choice

Scotty ‘Pinot’ Monahan

Vitals: 6ft2, 72kgs

Drink of choice: Slippery nipple

Finishing move: 619

Aggression level: 4/10

Scotty doesn’t like to fight. So much so that, whilst being a Green Monster since he matriculated in 2009, he is yet to make an appearance on C-Sunday. No one really knows if this is down to hangovers, drug-fuelled weekends away or honest pacifism. However, The Tab have been assured he is excited for this Sunday. Maybe.

Letting the side down since ’09

Biff ‘Booker’ O’Boyle

Vitals: 6ft, 80kgs

Drink of choice: Cheeky vimto

Finishing move: Jackhammer

Aggression level: 7.5/10

This American exchange student has represented Girton in almost every sport that no-one cares about: Ultimate Frisbee, Disc Golf, Orienteering and Hockey. However, he insists he is ready to step up to the big leagues when he walks out for the Green Monsters on Sunday. A self-proclaimed ‘legend in the making’, Biff is not short on confidence.

See. No one cares

Captain Lochlann ‘Gabriel’ Sloane

Vitals: 7ft0, 115kgs

Drink of choice: Long Sloe Screw

Finishing move: Five-Star Frog Splash

Aggression level: 8/10

Captain Lochlann is even more determined than his Jesus counterpart, especially after leading the Green Monsters in their 2012 humiliation. Surprisingly handed the armband again, this seven-foot giant is ready to make amends for past-mistakes. He’s hungrier than ever and hopes his side’s weight advantage will prove decisive.