Student urinates on Church

Eternal damnation is rarely a risk when urinating. This, however, may have been the price paid by a Cambridge student last week.

Was this a case of militant atheism gone too far? A conspiracy masterminded by Richard Dawkins and his cronies?

So pee-ceful and pee-cturesque

No. It was the result of too much wine, not enough bread and temptation in the form of scaffolding on Little St. Mary’s Church on Trumpington Street.

A group of intoxicated students at a nameless college in the vicinity found themselves unaccountably delivered to, rather than from, trespass.

Unfortunately, while ascending the stairway to heaven, one member of the party had to answer the call of nature.

Was that a spot of rain I felt just now?

When asked about the incident, the sinner in question explained, “I had rather too much of the Holy Spirit imbibed within me. All I could do was get down on my knees and pray for a quick redemption.”

Reports suggest that the flood lasted quite a lot less than forty days and forty nights.

God moves in piss-terious ways

Said one available Christian, “This is just further proof that the Church is there for you in your moment of need.”

Said another, “We always encourage people to spend a penny in the collection box.”

Amen.