The best of the Cambridge offer holders’ group

A plethora of eager sixth formers have taken to Facebook to talk shit, ask unhelpful questions and engage in irrelevantly serious debate. 

The Tab has tirelessly trawled through the Facebook Cambridge Offer Holders’ Group for the very best it has to offer.

The dangerous gap between sixth formers receiving their offers, and actually getting the required A level results, has caused tensions to bubble out of control. Their anxieties about social justice and narcotics consumption have risen to a head.

But not everyone’s attempts at serious discussion have been met with approval.

Not taking any shit

With that said, there can’t be enough debate about drugs.

I understand drugs! Look at me. Accept me. Drugs!

In fact, this year’s group of freshers looks to be a pretty hardy lot.

With weed, I’m so chill. Weed.

But the smugness didn’t end there. This is, of course, the University of Cambridge.

Obviously!!!!!!!

Let’s all reflect on the fact we’re the fucking best

The euphoria was overpowering, and the offer holders looked back with nostalgia to a whole three months before.

Such feels, so emotion, much memory

But what better way to represent such emotion than with music!?

The Tab will refrain from making witty remarks

Within this cesspit of love and harmony, friendships could only but blossom.

You really do seem to get along together

But for some offer holders, words weren’t enough and they felt the need to put a face to the name.

Accompanied by a discussion about onesies

While odd, this wasn’t the only source of confusion.

How many mathematicians what? Does it take to change a lightbulb? Are coming to Cambridge? Ever..?

Wait…we do?

There were the classic A level panic posts.

Awh I’m scared too hunni

Nice try bitch, but you’re not getting my flashcards

And when asked their college of choice, there were some admittedly fantastic answers.

It is pretty bitchin

The most reasonable thing we’ve ever heard

Someone has got their priorities straight

But there’s always that one person who seems to constantly be posting. Everyone knows who they are and begins to recognise them as they continue to relentlessly contribute to the proceedings. We’ll call them the BNOOHP.

We’ve spent way too much time on this group and can safely confirm that one guy stood out.

The saga of confusion continues….

It got to the point when he had developed such a following that he had to surrender his position as BNOOHP.

A glorious day for all who had kept their notifications turned on

His fans were traumatised.

Disappointing the populace

Although when he inevitably resurfaced, some were having none of it.

Welcome back?!

And there we have it.

Look forward to these freshers coming up in October, and everyone remember in future: