The REACTION – ‘unethical pariahs’: Caius students left bemused by Master’s email

In the wake of the traditional Gonville & Caius Freshers’ Army Crawl last week, second years at the notorious College have been left confused and bewildered by a “melodramatic” and “ridiculous” email sent round by their Master.

In the 360-word rant, Professor Sir Alan Fersht accused his students of being “at the forefront” of “loutish activities” such as “laddish behaviour and sadistic initiation rites, and men plying women with drink and abusing them.”

He claimed that CCTV camera footage shows second years forcing ‘freshers, including women’ to down shots until they vomited, and then forcing them to drink more ‘as further forfeits, under the masquerade of a “Tour of the Town.”‘

In a tone of increasing hysteria, he cautioned students that such “bullies will leave the College and become unethical pariahs like insider traders, exchange rate riggers and corrupt Volkswagen engineers.”

The Tab can exclusively reveal that the College decided to intervene after two separate of reports of female freshers waking up with a blackout in a pool of her own vomit, and another throwing up on and spanking a Porter.

Second years at the College, however, have been left nonplussed. In an interview with The Tab, one of the leaders of the initiation games said: “Every fresher I spoke to has said they enjoyed it…”

Another second year student added: “It was all blown out of proportion. Last year something like a fifth of the participants had to be carried back home, and apparently they broke into Trinity and pissed on the Wren library.

“It’s a Caius tradition, and this year was, if anything, tamer than when we did it.”

We’ve all pissed on Trinity’s Wren Library

Reports of freshers being “dumped on other students’ floors without any regard to the consequences that there could have been a fatality because of inhalation of vomit,” as per the Master’s e-mail, could not be confirmed.

An informed student at Caius told a senior Tab journalist that another student has already complained about the fact that the Master separated male and female freshers in his email.

The GCSU are reported to have quickly organised an emergency meeting about the email.