Weed smokers are just boring

It’s important to put a disclaimer over this article.

There are of course plenty of interesting potheads who you’ve most likely already encountered in life: the dedicated Rastafarian, and the middle-aged man who has somehow managed to extend the summer of love by 48 years. To none of these does this piece refer. When I talk of ‘boring cannabis smokers’, I exclusively mean the Cambridge brand of stoner.

Not quite the Cambridge brand of stoner.

But who are the Cambridge tokers and how are they spotted? The quickest way to find them is at your average hostel party, where they can generally be seen wearing something vaguely psychedelic – or worse, a beanie sporting the colours of the Jamaican flag.

Periodically, they will request ‘Three Little Birds’ be put on the stereo and will give the occasional anecdote about ‘Amsterdam 14’. Fascinatingly, the only piece missing from their dope ensemble will be any of the actual substance itself.

The reason for this is pretty self-evident: they don’t actually smoke much – if any – weed. Rather than smoking weed everyday, as their spiritual king Snoop Dog dictates, they will leave the stuff alone for weeks at a time. Sure, they probably talk of how much of the good stuff they do during the holidays – presumably in between prayer to Jah – but none of this is verifiable.

It’s possible to have more fun without pot

The fact of the matter is that cannabis and Cambridge mix like oil and water. (Modafinil on the other hand…).

Irrespective of your course and college, you work hard and lead a high-intensity lifestyle. Your free time is pretty limited and hopefully you have hobbies other than ‘take mad hits from hookah’. Despite being essentially benign, its fairly well known that marijuana lowers your productivity. It would be an amazing feat for you to somehow balance your English degree with your pot binges.

Just one way to have fun without pot or harming your degree too much.

Of course, the interesting question is why do they feel the need to adopt this stoner persona? Cases will vary, but it’s rarely as simple as the need to look cool. Maybe it’s a desire to relive the wonder they felt at ‘that year 10 party’. Maybe they are still trying to emulate John Lennon. Maybe it’s just a lack of ability to draw identity from anything other than a herb they don’t really smoke that often. There isn’t really any need to castigate them, after all, they are usually pretty nice people.

But, unfortunately, as anyone who’s had to indulge a conversation about all the different kinds of weed they’ve smoked knows, they’re as boring as fuck.