The best of the best: Best Bums through the ages

Of Cambridge’s manifold ancient and venerable traditions, none can compare in terms of honour and glory or will guarantee you BNOC status as quickly as the beloved Best Bums.

In light of it’s imminent return, I have gathered you all here today to look back over the Barons of Booty, Princesses of Peachiness, Kings of Cabooses and Duchesses of Derrieres and remind you all that you have a noble tradition to uphold. So gaze upon these bodacious badonkadonks and be inspired.

To set the mood:

Kicking off we have David attempting a very risky knock and run. Here ladies and gentlemen we have a fine example of someone who’s realised that best bums isn’t just about the bum (although his bum is very nice), it’s also about location. The riskier a spot you can find, the better and you don’t get much riskier than this.

Another option for all you adrenaline junkies out there is outside your college’s hall. And if your college happens to have a particularly grand hall (Johnians and Trinitarians I’m looking at you), you’ve got no excuse for not securing a cheeky photo op. Just make sure that like Stanley’s, your bottom is fine enough that it isn’t overshadowed by the architecture.

Here we have Kim showing that in spite of what some detractors might say, Best Bums can absolutely be topical and witty. This is not just a photo of a bum, it’s a message, an icon. Shared in aftermath of Kim Kardashian breaking the internet just weeks before, this should inspire all you aspiring arse aficionados to start checking the paper for something that can be turned into an elaborate booty joke.

Nick on the other hand shows that when you can’t think of anything important to say, you can at least try to say it in the Union. Points here are awarded for daring, peachiness of the bum and shameless use of society connections to get let into the Union after hours.

For those of you thinking ‘I’d love to do Best Bums, but what if the glowing luminescence of my pasty arse blinds people?’, Gwendoline has the answer! Simply cover your posterior with some provocative pants. This is also a fine solution for the more modest amongst you who still want a shot at that sweet sweet Best Bums glory. It certainly didn’t hurt Gwendoline’s chances of victory, she came second out of the female bums in 2013.

Another option for all you Modest Millicents is to simply conceal your naked form in the one place you know no one will come to find you no matter how loudly you scream. The darkest depths of the UL. Thomas got all the props for choosing a bold location to showcase his backside but could still rest comfortably in the knowledge that no one was going to come looking in the Medieval Welsh poetry section to check out more than just a library book.

She’s beauty, she’s grace, she secured two thirds of the vote in 2014. Katie’s photo has everything, daring location, excellent accessories (where did she get those socks?) and a seriously incredible bottom. Katie, wherever you are, we salute you.

Do you think you have a bum to rival these ass-tounding contenders? Have you been inspired to improve a beautiful Cambridge vista by plopping your arse in front of it? Do you have a friend who loves you enough to take the picture for you?

If the answer to these questions is yes, take that picture and send it to [email protected] by midnight on the 20th of November.