REVEALED: CAMBRIDGE’S BIGGEST NAMES (literally)

“Some are born big names, some are christened big names, and some have big names thrust upon them.” – A BNOC.

Whilst you wait in nail-biting anticipation for The Tab to announce its biggest BNOC (sorry not sorry for the headline), take a look at some of the, literally, biggest and best names Cambridge has to offer.

Some of them sound like they could own half of Europe, others are a nightmare to pronounce, and some were just mistakes on the birth certificate.

(I promise I didn’t just smash my hands against the keyboard for some of these.)

Matteo Gianni Norbert Jacques Tranquillo Violet-Vianello – Queens’

“Whenever people tell me to calm down, I tell them that my middle name is Tranquillo.”

“I only hang out with people with double barrelled names.”

Anastasia Nerisa Picton Vraka – Murray Edwards

“I’m never able to find a mug, keychain, or pen with my name on. Street artists charge extra to write out my name because it’s got so many characters.”

Sigh.

Shani Manique Rita Wijetilaka – Trinity

“I used to be able to tell when my name would be announced in assembly by the look of fear people would get. I spoke in the emergency debate at the Union last week and Charlotte just didn’t say my last name.”

I dare you to say my name.

Francesco John Lorenzo Loy Bell – Trinity

“I like having a long name because I can put loads of initials on school photos and stuff.” Wow.

The thug name chose me.

Christoforos Costantinos Epaminondas – Trinity

“It’s been a struggle. When I think back to all the time I’ve lost to saying, writing or just helping people pronounce my name it’s a lot. I think I’d be a much more successful person if only I’d been called something like Tom Georgiou. It could be worse though. One of my dad’s cousins is called Epaminondas Epaminondas.”

He’s crying inside.

Page Ame Nyame-Satterthwaite

“My whole name doesn’t fit on one Page.”

I like puns. #symbolism

Stephanie Shiela Felicity Sinclair – Fitz

“My mum spelt my name wrong on my birth certificate, it’s meant to be Sheila but she spelt it Shiela. My dad didn’t speak to her for a week when she found out. Lol.”

If only I could throwback to my birth certificate.

Fosca Catherine Marie Rose Majnoni d’Intignano – Trinity

Asked to comment on what it’s like to have such a big name, she said: “Well apart from the fact that it takes an average of six months for your friends to know how to pronounce it and the fact that there are awkward blanks in class every time the teacher takes the register because you’re the one with the weird foreign name I can’t really think of anything.”

Just because Fosca has an aristocratic name it doesn’t mean she won’t get down with the kidz on a Tuesday.

And they say size doesn’t matter – you can’t pretend that these names didn’t make you a little envious of your own.

These are just a few honourable mentions. If you’ve got a longer name, pop it in the comments.