Clubbers of the Week

The dystopian, glaring eye of the Tab Illuminati has been following you. The bright, neon lights of the Lola’s dance floor has blinded you and your judgement: we’ve seen every wardrobe malfunction, rogue photobomb and regrettable lunge you’ve made over the past seven days in your drunken haze. 

No pre-emptive change of your Facebook privacy settings can help you now. Without even a shred of journalistic integrity, our heartless, sadistic crack team of Tab-hacks bring you our Clubbers of the Week.

Stunners of the Week:

I don’t need no squad

While our mismatched winners may have made no attempt to get into formation, their personalities certainly shine through. Our queen bee in the middle is no fan of sharing, and The Tab loves it. Take note: sheer audacity is needed to take home the top prize.

Lads of the Week:

lad lad lad lad lad

It’s Sunday Life, and the Lads are on a mad one. They’ve taken to CHUGGING VKs. Someone please stop these unethical pariahs before it’s too late.

Runners up:

The Land Ecs are laughing now

This jaunty lad in the middle bags our runner up prize for blithely disregarding the tone of the room. Who cares if everyone else are feigning smiles because they still have six essays due before the end of term? If you have the schedule of an arts student, then flaunt it.

This lad’s joviality is dangerous. Fortunately his friend has stopped him in his tracks:

Kuda you let me down please

Best Dressed:

Let’s get wavey

The Tab is ready for summer, and these bold colours have been distracting us from the grey dreary skies around Cambridge of late. Keep holding the fort, jolly Cindies boy. Beach weather is coming your way.

Cringe of the Week:

U wot m8

The Tab admires the efforts of this girl in trying to get her friend ready for a photo. We’re sure you’ll get an amazing photo once she’s finished with her, er, disagreement. A shout out also to the man in the back: had he been more central, he may have qualified for Creeper of the Week.

Runners up:

Did you take a gap year?

Townies of the Week:

Put aside the Town versus Gown feuding and the Yik Yak tribalism, because townies are pretty great:

Townie or TOWIE?

Girls just wanna have fun

Clubbing Enthusiast of the Week:

A select few of us don’t merely retreat to the smoking area in surrender after five or so minutes of the Disney’s greatest hits playlist Cindies has resorted to yet again. These brave mavericks rave on for the rest of us:

Cuz the players gonna play play play play play

Runners up:

Hairstyle of the Week

It’s a NO from Us:

The fresh prince of BALLARE

This may have been shaping up to be his most memorable Cindies night ever. Alas, it wasn’t meant to be. He was getting in the way of true love:

The guy in the background seems captivated

And finally, our Clubbers of the Week:

Lola’s just got a whole lot more sticky

Who knew that sticker collecting could win you such a prestigious accolade?

Our sticker hobbyists show us that true champions aren’t afraid of anarchy:

Screw the system

As the dreary, subpar supervision essays of week 7 surpass us, the end is now finally insight. Celebrate in style, but never let your guard down. The Tab will be watching.

Send your submissions for Clubbers of the Week to [email protected].