Keeping Warm in Cambrrridge

Regardless of where you’re from, you can probably agree that Cambridge is pretty fucking cold right now.

The fact that winter happens every year is clearly not enough to stop me from being horrified whenever the temperature drops below 6 degrees, and my inability to pack with any degree of good sense means I’m going to have to be resourceful if I don’t want to freeze to death. (I may not have brought a pair of gloves, but I did bring a ceramic heart decoration with a picture of Shakespeare on it.)

Here are all the things I’d recommend to keep yourself as cosy as you possibly can – a least until you’re so dead inside that you no longer notice the cold. NBL: reading the Tab is not on this list.

Still not as bleak as my job prospects.

Bonfires

Before I begin, I should probably stress for the record that starting a fire in your room is by no means advisable – so maybe start one in somebody else’s room instead.*

(*also not very advisable let’s be honest).

Have an intimidatingly huge pile of unfiled lecture notes, depressing bank statements, rushed-off essays and unfinished reading? Can’t bear to leave them strewn about your desk as a testament to your disastrous work-ethic? If the sight is one that leaves you in a cold sweat, then why not deal with it all at once whilst simultaneously reaping the benefits of a new heat source. I mean, it’s basically recycling. Probably.

Destroy them before they destroy you.

Freshers’ 15

Despite the name, those pounds seem to sneak up on the more unfortunate (read: greedy) of us regardless of how long we’ve been at university. While this can be a cause of anything from mild dismay to actual self-loathing, Lent is the term when you should make it your new year’s resolution to cut yourself some slack – something we should probably all do a lot more often anyway.

After all, when the radiator in your room is about as efficient as you are the day after an all-nighter, you’re going to appreciate the extra insulation – and holding cheesy chips from the Van of Life is basically like wearing a pair of gloves, with the added bonus that you get to eat them afterwards.

Like a moth to a flame.

Gowns

Unfortunately, the novelty of owning a gown wears off rather quickly once you realise that you’ll probably never wear it enough to justify the £50 you spent on it, and besides, it looks pretty darn silly on you anyway.

Make sure you get your money’s worth by using it as an extra blanket when the nights are chilly (drunkenly passing out post-formal is warmly encouraged but not strictly necessary). This also means you’re guaranteed to have something smart close at hand to wear over your pyjamas if the fire alarm goes off in the morning.

Dressed to kill.

Duvets

If you can use something you’d wear as a blanket, why not use your blanket as something to wear? Life is about looking for loopholes – at least, it is if you’re as lazy as I am – so if you’re concerned by the regrettable trend of banning people from wearing their pyjamas in public but still want to be cosy, the duvet dress is the way to go. There are many ways to style a duvet, and their one-size-fits-all nature means they’re ideal for sharing with your friends.

If you’re really cold, or just want to put everybody off from attempting to talk to you, then cocooning yourself completely is an ideal solution – though you may find this makes riding your bike rather tricky.

If you can’t see the deadlines, the deadlines can’t see you.

Frozen to your core? Time to heat things up a bit. Follow these tips and wave Jack Frost MA (Cantab) goodbye.