How to keep your college marriage alive in Lent

It’s Lent, and many freshers will be heading into their second term of marriage after a shotgun wedding at the Van of Life in Week 2. For some, the bliss will continue, but for the others, the honeymoon period has worn off and the January blues will hit your marriage hard.

In 2016, 80% of college spouses grew apart and are now estranged*, not just because they were arranged in freshers week but for many reasons: some disagreed over whether they wanted kids, others lost the spice in their lives. However, for those of you who no longer feel that platonic spark, here are some tips to keep the friend-zone flame ignited.

Go on a date night

Take time out of your busy schedules to head on down to Nandos for that brief catch up in order to keep your college marriage spicy (unless you’re more of a lemon and herb kind of person). Keep the conversation going with an exchange of gossip, discuss your common interests or bond over your mutual hatred for the monstrosity that is the corpus clock, then take advantage of the scenic environment that is Cambridge by going for a faux-romantic stroll with your beau. If by the end of the night you’re tempted to tie the knot for real, you’ve done it right.

Spousal bonding doesn’t have to involve alcohol, but it’s highly recommended

Organise family drinks or a family outing

There’s nothing more important than spending quality time with your allocated, artificial loved ones, so how about holding organised pre-drinks for your spouse and your college children/in-laws. This is an opportune time to really get to know your other half through your college-related family. Wouldn’t you love to hear from your college mother-in-law how much of a light weight your college husband was in freshers? Or how your college wife tried to hit on your father-in-law in Week 2? 

Splice yours and your husband’s genes and get the natscis to create fresher-aged children for a more genuine family feel

Renew your vows

Whether this involves hitting up formal again or recreating your proposal in the Life smoking alley, renewing your vows can be a revitalising experience for your college marriage. Re-living the moment you realised you wanted to be bound to them for three years will remind you both of your special connection, and by special connection I mean the portion of cheesy chips you shared on the way home from Cindies. 

If you weren’t proposed to at an intra-college swap in Curry King, were you really proposed to at all?

Talk out your issues

Sometimes to save a college marriage you’ve got to iron out the wrinkles in your relationship. For instance, the classic “When you buy VKs for everyone else but me, that makes me feel neglected” can often do the trick in helping you both express your feelings. You took them for better, and so you’ve got to take them for worse as well. Or don’t. This is not a legally binding marriage.

“I thought we agreed to buy them both in light blue”

Wingman each other

The cardinal rule of college marriage is not to become romantically involved with your spouse, so instead do the next best thing: romantically involve them with other people. Take the dull out of aDULtery by committing the sin as a team, since no one knows you or the opposite sex like your college spouse so use this to your advantage.

Nothing makes me prouder than seeing my husband and his lover enjoy a literal date in the sun

If none of the above work for you, then maybe it’s time to call it quits. After all, you had a good run – many couples don’t even make it through their first term so to just about make it to your second is an achievement of sorts. You can officially divorce and find a Mathmo to remarry, or grow estranged and sit through an awkward family dinner with your new kids next year

Either way, it’s probably for the best. 

*This statistic is completely made up