The weirdest trend pieces this season

Following the uproar surrounding Topshop’s sale of clear plastic trousers, did you think you’d seen the weirdest item on the market? Think again.

I admit that I spend a lot of my time online shopping, checking out the ‘New In’ sections of Zara and Topshop on the daily. This means that I have had the displeasure of coming across some very strange items…

Tulle skirt/jeans hybrid

The fact the name of this item includes both ‘skirt’ and ‘Jamie jeans’ immediately indicates the weirdness levels. There is a good reason why I don’t wear a skirt over my jeans: it just doesn’t look normal.

Plus the skirt gets in the way of one of the best reasons for wearing jeans – the pockets. Imagine the irritation when you reach down expecting to be able to slot your phone in your pocket but are instead hit by a tulle barrier. Not ideal.

Vinyl trousers

It saddens (but mainly frightens) me to say that vinyl is a trend at the moment. As kinky as these trousers look you can purchase them from Topshop and make them your own for the mere price of £55. I don’t fancy you’ll be able to get your money’s worth out of these though despite the great expense – having your legs encased in plastic doesn’t sound very comfortable to me, especially in Summer, perhaps making these the least wearable items I have found which is certainly saying something…

Strange shoes

These babies can both be purchased from OFFICE and are by ‘Irregular Choice’ – perhaps making the most accurate brand name ever? I am not sure what occasion these could ever be suitable for. The heels look like they are made from children’s toys (maybe they actually are) and I have to say I am not a fan – stomping around on an Alice in Wonderland doll or Star Wars model is definitely not what I’m into. Heels this high are already hard to walk in – why make it even more difficult?!

Skousers?

Another strange mix of a skirt and trousers. Can confirm now it never looks good. Plus the brown colour of this item makes it particularly unappetising. Why, Zara, why? Every aspect of this is wrong.

XXL bell sleeves

Which item is worse? I vote the shirt. A bell sleeve is one thing, but these are ridiculous. However, the lack of any shape in the skirt and random pleat placement is also pretty grim-looking.

Destroyed rather than distressed jeans

This doesn’t look so bad until you get past knee level…or look at the price. I don’t think this denim can even be described as distressed, it is too far gone for that – more like ‘attacked by a lion’ level. The two trailing tail ends are clearly just taking this too far.

I never thought I would write a guide on how to look as crazy as possible, but here it is…. Don’t be mistaken though – if I was to see a Cantab in any of these super wavey garms it would be full credit to them. Fortune favours the bold.