Class lists MISSING

In a devastating turn of events for the nosy and the boastful of Cambridge (i.e. most of the student cohort), the online publication of this year's class lists has been delayed.

Every year, Cambridge University continues the 300 year tradition of displaying every Cantab's degree classification on the billboards of Senate House, which is obviously a marvellous idea for an institution with a record of serious student mental health issues. It's also a practice that's potentially going to become illegal under new data protection laws. But there we go! Ho hum.

Welcome to the house of fun

This happens every Easter term, after exams. The lists are then published online, accessible to all those with Raven logins, on the Cambridge University Reporter's website. However, tragedy has struck for all those who can't help but indulge in the self-flagellation of scrolling through the online class lists, to voluntarily have their self-esteem crushed, bit by bit, into the East Anglian dirt, aided helpfully by the Ctrl + F keyboard shortcut. It's a far less labour-intensive method of digging yourself into a pit of self-loathing and criticism than trawling LinkedIn, but still manages to achieve the same results.

Look at all the successful grads, grrr

In previous years, they've been published in August or (more recently) mid-September. In the past three years, class lists went online on 15th September 2016, 7th September 2015, and 12th September 2014. The Tab was told by the Press Office, on 25th September, that "the plan is to publish it next week". 14 days have since elapsed, but, alas, they are nowhere to be seen. According to the Reporter's website, "Publication of the Class-list Special for 2016-17 has unfortunately been delayed but please be assured that we are working on it."

Sad reacts only, for those who are having to live with the prospect that everyone might not know about their firsts for another whole week. Tragic.

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