NEWS COLUMN: The final straight

The Peterhouse Portillos

It emerged this week that a group of self defining 'new right' historians at Peterhouse set up a group chat to discuss all the new righty issues they face at our liberal institution. Taking inspiration from the Pitt Club, the group decided to name themselves after ex-conservative party leader Michael Portillo.

Unless you're the kind of person who likes to stay up after Question Time finishes, you probably won't know who he is. Thankfully, all you really need to know is he lost his seat in 1997, in spite of being a high-ranking Conservative figure – the Portillo moment. Ever since then high ranking politicians have been copying Portillo in their droves, with Ed Balls giving it a go back in 2015. It remains to be seen if the Peterhouse Portillos will suffer such public humiliation… oh wait…

Catz's dog gets Christmassy

Following the revelation that Catz students were getting the opportunity to walk the college dog, the college has decided to employ the canine in a PR role. Now students will get the opportunity to buy Christmas cards featuring the schnauzer, raising money for Student Minds. At £5 for 4, they're fairly pricey, but for such a high quality doggo cash need be no object.

That is one good doggo

Emma swap-goers Open Sesame

Ahhh Sesame, somewhere between Nanna Mex and Curry King on the swap spectrum. You probably wouldn't go in your free time, but that's no reason not to grab a bottle of Sainsbury's Soave and head on down for some organised drinking.

Sadly, some Emma students took it a little bit too far and actually nicked the Sesame door (yes, that one). They lugged the monstrosity all the way back to Emma. We have been informed the door was returned, but not before a few pics in the bar.

Please note that we do not endorse this behavior

Downing students suffer leafy loudness

Some Downing students are getting annoyed by the noise of leaf blowers on the college site.

That is all.

Alright kids, that's your lot. Live in peace knowing you're safe till next term xoxo