An extremely in depth article about what your choice of face mask says about you

Camfess, this one’s for you x

4 years ago

Features

Okay, Camfess. We’ve heard you. We know what the people want, and it’s this. So, without further ado (other than this screenshotted Camfession), keep reading to find out what your face mask says about you, your subject (and whether your mask choice passes the vibe check):

(Image credit: Author’s own screenshot)

College face mask

College stash stays ON during sex, and that includes the face mask (#StaySafeCambridgeUni). Your undying love for your college is something to be admired, and if that involves going out head-to-toe in college stash, so be it. You’re loyal, play at least one college sport, and have been involved in the college fundraising campaign for two years in a row. Either that or you’re a rower. This sort of commitment transcends subjects, and to be honest, rowing may as well be one.

“DiD yoU KNow I rOW?” (Image credit: Gleb Vinnychenko)

Plain black

Scary! Big scary vibes from you, because you’re the sort of person who knows that black goes with everything and therefore your mask will match with every outfit you own. Double points if your wardrobe is largely composed of black roll-neck jumpers and grey jeans anyway. Smart thinking; no wonder you’re at Cambridge.

You’re probably a humanities student and are the sort of person who goes into Bould Brothers, downs a double espresso and expresses no fear. Nobody sees you working, but when Easter term rolls around, you’ll roll out of bed, onto your laptop and come out with a First. I am scared of you on multiple levels, probably because I also own black face masks and yet are none of the things I’ve just described.

I like my masks like my coffee – black (Image credit: Izzy Dignum)

Homemade and cute!

You’re the other type of humanities student; the sort of person who I would love to be if I had any sewing skills at all. You spent lockdown sewing face masks for your friends, family and the NHS, and now you’ve got a stash of them which just so happen to match every single outfit for every single occasion. You’re the mum friend, and probably go to Newnham or Pembroke or one of those Wholesome colleges.

Wholesome vibes! Matching jumper and mask? Yes pls <3 (Image credit: Genevieve Holl-Allen)

Homemade and not-so-cute

Top marks for effort, but you’ve not quite pulled off the cutesy vibes that your artsy counterparts have achieved. While you care enough about the planet to not get a disposable mask, you don’t care enough about style. Your mum probably bulk-ordered face masks for the entire family, and your mum doesn’t really care about whether your face mask matches your *vibe*. If you have a vibe, that is, other than fulfilling the stereotypes associated with being a NatSci, or CompSci, or Mathmo.

Vented

You’re enigmatic but have your shit together. The vent looks like it does something important but no-one really knows precisely what, and the same could be said for you. You’re either a lawyer, or a society president (or a Tab hack), or all three. I get big lawyer vibes; who really knows what they do while sat in their boujee faculty building?

FEAR (Image credit: Genevieve Holl-Allen)

Disposable blue

The OG mask that you’d only really see in medical dramas before 2020 hit, I’m going to run with that theme and say that you’re probably a medic. You’re Serious, Efficient, and didn’t consider anything so frivolous as whether your face mask would match your wardrobe (cough cough plain black and homemade cutesy) – you’re here to stay safe and save lives. You also probably carry around an exceptionally large bottle of hand sanitiser, which you offer to your friends every time someone touches a surface that hasn’t been cleaned within the last 20 mins. Top marks for hygiene <3

Is this bottle of hand sanitiser exceptionally large enough? (Image credit: Charissa Cheong)

And if you choose not to wear a mask for purely selfish reasons, why not pick a style and a personality from this list? And, finally, thank you to the Camfess poster who suggested this article – have you ever thought about joining the Tab Team? x)