King’s cows to be given honorary Fellowship

Today, Provost Michael Proctor announced that the King’s College cows, frequently seen roaming around Cambridge, will be given honorary fellowships at the College.

The cows, which are believed to change each year, will attend a ceremony in their honour during Easter term after being handpicked by the Provost himself. When asked if each new ‘batch’ of cows will receive the same distinguished title, a senior member of staff told The Tab: “We plan for this to become a yearly tradition. As the new cows arrive and the past cows are retired, a new ceremony shall take place.

“In time, we hope this will bring greater attention to what some have described as the ‘lifeblood’ of King’s College.”

Alongside their new titles, the cows will now be entitled to walk on the grass at King’s. In order to prevent significant destruction as a result of grazing, King’s have decided that the pathways of Front Court are to be halved, in order to encourage the cows to stand on the path whilst nibbling the grass.

April McDonald, a student at King’s, told The Tab: “I think this is a great idea and I’m super excited the cows are finally getting the recognition they deserve.

“Although I’m sad we’ll have to walk single file, I’m sure dodging the cow pats will become an essential part of my workout routine.”

It has not yet been announced who responsibilities regarding cow pats will fall to, but the College has clarified anyone in this field will be given shovels and gloves as part of their uniform. One member of staff stated that although they have “little experience in this field”, the College will be providing extensive training that includes “effectiveness” and “efficiency” techniques and that if chosen, they would be “excited to broaden their skills in this area.”

It is currently unclear whether any additional college responsibilities such as teaching will be required of the new bovine fellows. The ceremony will take place in Easter term, with dates to be confirmed.

And if you checked the date as much as you check Camfess, you would realise that today is April Fools’!

Featured Image credits: Alex Brown, Wikimedia Commons via Creative Commons License