I went to Flux sober and it was really, really bad

We all know the legendary Saturday night that is Flux. But is it really any good? Or do our drunken minds disguise it as an epic night when really it’s a pile of shit?

I took it to the test by going out stone cold sober. I avoided pre-drinks and only drank tap water for the entire night.

Plus I documented the entire thing The Tab Cardiff’s snapchat: thetabcardiff.

Wish me luck

When I told my friends what I’d planned on doing for the night ahead, they were not impressed. Rachael Clarke, a second year History student commented: “Rather you than me.”

Tom “Andy” Durston, studying Computer Science, said: “What is sober?”

To start off with, it was great. I didn’t have to shower until 10pm and even then I was waiting a while for my friends to deem themselves drunk enough to begin heading to the SU at 11.30pm.

I’ll miss you, my babies!

I was dreading the queue, but luckily, there wasn’t one when I got there. It turns out that sober minds are good negotiators, because when one of my friends started mouthing off the bouncer, I managed to talk our way out of it.

When we got into the club, nothing seemed different. The music was still blaring and it seemed pretty normal. I’d only taken £5 out with me so that I wouldn’t be tempted to buy a drink, so when we went straight to the bar, I ordered a water.

This is water. Sad times.

I was having a good time, and thought that I could do this more often. After all, it was a cheap night, but it was when midnight struck and my friends started to get wasted that my night started to go downhill. People are very clingy when they’re drunk, yet they also like to wander off.

At the bar I started having to stand on my own (rather than risk getting crushed) for what felt like an eternity,  just so my friends could get an overpriced VK only to have it knocked out of their hands a minute later. However, the smoking area was the worst – the bitterness of the Welsh wind would seep into my skin and make me crave the warmth of my bed.

Plus when people bump into you, it hurts a lot more than when you are numbed by alcohol. I felt like I would definitely have a few bruises to show the next day.

I look terrified

When you’re sober, and you actually take notice of the music, the transitions of the songs also seem very strange. Normally I would love it, but the change from Macerena and Bitch Better Have My Money really weirded me out.

Then came the conversations. It was quite funny, hearing the nonsense my friends came out with. Conversations about cucumbers and Tinder would have thrilled me if I was in the same state as them, but with only water in my veins, my brain had gone dead.

Did you know the SU has a completely glass ceiling? I do. These are the things you notice when you’re completely sober in Flux.

It didn’t take long for most of the group to finally wander off, so when I walked around on my own and finally found a friend, I was ready to head home. Luckily so was he, so with prospect of chips on the brain, we exited the SU.

It was soon, with regret, that I realised that by not taking any extra money out with me, I had sacrificed the best part of the night: Food. As my friend, Matt Howard, a second year Economics student, tucked into a gloriously greasy burger from outside the SU, I was left sad and hungry.

I was home at exactly 1.03am.

Overall, it was only a fiver, but it wasn’t worth it. I wanted alcohol, I wanted Jagerbombs, I wanted sambucas. I wanted to dance amazingly and I wanted to be in the state my friends were in. Most of all, I wanted the chips.

Although having a Sunday hangover free was nice.