Bonfire of the Big Macs

A crisis of monumental proportions has been averted, for now…

Delegates at the National Union of Students’ (NUS) national conference in Sheffield were due to vote on a motion calling on the NUS to cut all ties with McDonald’s.

This could have spelled the end for the freebies students claim from the restaurant chain.

But an overrunning timetable at the conference meant the motion was not heard today. Instead, it must go before the Orwellian-sounding National Executive Council.

The motion was submitted by students at Birkbeck University, who believe McDonald’s food should be a controlled substance – and the NUS should ban students from using their student card to obtain greasy goodness such as free fries.

The news will strike fear into the heart of students nationwide, as we anxiously await the results of the vote on May 21.

McDonald’s lover Alex Valentine said: “Before we know it we’ll all be eating lettuce off bio friendly cutlery. Students like alcohol! Students like free stuff! Go away!”

The motion also contains plans to waste money on ‘greasy education’ stickers, in protest at the valuable qualifications McDonald’s workers can earn. These include food and hygiene certificates.

The Tab approached a representative from Birkbeck University but received no comment.
We advise Tab readers to run to your nearest McDonald’s today and grab as many free chips as possible. It could be your last chance.

Stay with The Tab for the result.