Operation: Avoid Everyone

• Thinking as a fresh that you can pull/shag anyone.

• Realising your mistake by third year when you’re forced to dodge all your previous conquests on campus. Every fifteen minutes.

‘Oh, fuck, he’s right there!’

The Dating Politics

• Understanding that if it’s a drink at Firehouse, you’re in there.

• If it’s a quick text reading ‘you at TP yet?’ then the best you can expect is a thoroughly underwhelming bonk.

On V-Day as well? Who says romance is dead

Going Out Starvation

• Realising with a sinking sense of dread that you can’t eat all day because you’re going to Cellar Door that night – and you won’t get in unless you’re wearing a tiny crop top and shorts.

Haven’t. Eaten. In. Three. Days.

Fucking Flip Flops

• Being shocked to your very core when you see something as disturbing as a guy wandering through the Marketplace in a pair of Havainas. In February.

• WHY, WHY DOES THIS KEEP HAPPENING? PUT YOUR FUCKING HOBBIT FEET AWAY.

What the flip flops probably look like after winter usage

The White T-shirt Curse

• The absurd penchant of Exeter guys for a Hollister t-shirt – usually a white one.

• Feeling your heart drop when a guy goes to hug you because you know you’ll have to perform acrobatic neck-craning skills to avoid the dreaded orange foundation mark.

• (“Urgh, what the fuck is that on my collar? Mate, you just hugged Emma. Rookie move.”)

Please. No. Not the hug.

SOMEONE, ANYONE. LOOK DIFFERENT.

• Scanning the sea of Barbour and red-chinos wandering up Stocker Road and yearning for someone to rock a look that hasn’t been taken straight out of page 23 in the Jack Wills catalogue.

Man bun anyone?

Sorry did you say full fat milk?

• Forgetting to ask for your coffee to be ‘skinny’ at Costa and feeling the disgusted stares of all the females around you.

Thanks, Costa. Thanks a lot.

Sweaty Forum Hill

•  The ten minutes of agonising you do as you get ready every morning: will this outfit accommodate the unbearable amount of sweating you’ll experience as you hike up the dreaded Hill of Humiliation?

Walking up it counts as a cardio workout, right?

The Unspoken Gym Legging Code

• Which pair of leggings has the most neon? Who can wear them the longest? How many of the wearers have actually ever been on a treadmill?

These feet have never EVER been near the gym