Our campus is OK, but it could be so much better

There are still bits missing, and we could make ourselves the greatest campus on the planet with only a couple of drastic changes, and a couple of not-so-drastic ones.

1)   Chair lifts

Forum Hill may as well be Everest at 9 am, when it’s cold, wet, and you’re hungover. It’s even worse if you’re feeling lively enough to head to the Sports Park. The solution, of course, is simple. Build a bloody chairlift. Get off at the Forum, at Peter Chalk, or at the Sports Park, and save yourself the effort. Bob’s your uncle, Fanny’s your aunt, and we’re all happy.

2)   The Forum Hill Slide

When it’s hot, fill the thing with water and hurtle down it in your choice of raft, or simply on your own backside. When it’s cold, freeze it up so it doubles as a luge, bobsleigh and skeleton run. If Jamaica can have a bobsled team, why not Exeter? Of course, there’s the slight problem of trying to stop at the bottom, but having seen some of the cyclists who hurtle down it, I’m sure we’ll find a way…

3)   The Not-So Great Hall

I’m not going to lie; this hall is anything but great. It’s nothing short of depressing, despite being the namesake for its far superior younger sibling – the Hogwarts Great Hall. Just knock the wretched thing down and build a replica. Pay someone to dress up as Snape and walk around hitting pesky talking tourists/freshers with a giant encyclopedia for authenticity. Who knows, they might find some students actually doing work…

Not actually the Great Hall… But equally grim

4)   The Pool Situation

Let’s get a pool at the Sports Park. An indoor one, preferably, because even in summer, that outdoor thing is bloody freezing. Sort it out, because at the moment, I’d rather try and sell a fridge to an Eskimo than swim in the dastardly thing, and risk actually becoming an Eskimo.

Kind of looks like a pool already

5)   The Physics Building

As any resident of Lafrowda’s higher floors will tell you, that thing is properly depressing to look at. I’ve seen prison walls with more architectural flair. Paint something on it – a life-sized portrait of Einstein’s melon would be a good start. Whatever it is, just do something. Please.

6)   Massaging Chairs in the Auditorium

Some us could probably use a massage after trekking up cardiac or forum hill. Rather than those purple eyesores we’ve currently got, why not treat our students backs to a decent massage while they learn. Everyone’s a winner, except your local chiropractor.

Not complete without massage chairs

7) Study Areas

I came to you Uni primarily to study, which is sort of hard when the study areas aren’t ridiculously awesome. Why don’t we branch out? Build a forest-style study room, complete with perfectly back-shaped tree trunks to rest on, and maybe a silent study room in the centre of a shark tank. Otherwise, we could simply just google the ideas google have put into place for their own offices – properly amazing stuff.