#ExeterShortGirlProblems

As if simply having a vagina wasn’t hard enough, some of us are faced with the added difficulty of being ‘vertically challenged’ too. Not only are we forced to fight the patriarchy on a daily basis, we must also use our skill and cunning to complete even the simplest task, from cooking to clubbing; the world is one giant obstacle course when you’re the height of the average 11 year old.

1. The Kitchen Challenge

Trying to cook as a student is hard enough. There is the constant cycle of being too lazy to  shop and then constantly surprised when there is no food in the fridge, not to mention the battle between buying things that are cheap and trying to ward off scurvy. However, trying to feed yourself gets even harder when you’re small. The storage space  you were assigned at the beginning of the year is at least 6ft off the ground, meaning you are forced to perform something resembling an Olympic gymnastics routine just to be able to view the contents of your cupboard. If you can’t be assed to do this just to check if you own a tin of baked beans, you are then forced to call for assistance, usually from a much taller male in your house. However, this in itself is a dilemma: is it an anti-feminist thing to do? Will you be sending out the message that women are still dependent on the help of men if you can’t perform the most basic tasks without of him? All these problems arise simply because the people who built the house (probably 6ft. 5 men) had no consideration for the plight of short girls. Classic patriarchy.

Who designed these things?!

2. The Campus Challenge

If short girls find the kitchen stressful, then going up onto campus is even worse. Firstly, trying to meet someone in the Forum becomes like a game of Where’s Wally, with your poor friend being unable to spot you in a crowd because you’re dwarfed by everyone around you, and you being unable to find them because you can’t see above anyone’s knee level. More problems can arise when you actually make it to a lecture, for if a random tall person comes and sits in front of you, you’re screwed, destined only to hear the auditory version of the lecture from that point on. And, if at the end when they ask if anyone has a question, and you miraculously are keen enough to put your hand up, you can be guaranteed that you will not be chosen to ask it, for your hand is nothing more than a tiny fingertip pointing barely poking out from behind the Giant Randomer’s head.  Then, if after the stress of the lecture you want to go and buy a nice cup of tea, even queuing becomes an issue as tall people stride boldly past you, because, being small, your place in the queue is clearly less valuable.

And so the lecturer vanishes for another hour…

 3. The Clubbing Challenge

Being female, the expectation is that you will spend a large amount of time getting ready to go out. And you’ll dress just a teeny tiny bit sluttily. But, being short, your efforts to look as sexy as Mila Kunis are foiled by your height, for instead of guys coming up to you and saying ‘Wow you look stunning’, you are instead labelled as ‘Short/Adorable/Cute’ simply because you are smaller than the average female. I will give you a clue guys: that girl probably did not spend 3 hours getting ready for you to compare her to a 6 year old! As well as this trauma, there is also the problem of getting served at the bar, for very often the bar tender is unable to see you, with the bar being so high that only your forehead is on show. If by some miracle you do get noticed, you then have the issue of being IDed at least 4 times, because someone of your height clearly cannot be old enough to go out. Then there is the issue of trying to get in any photos, as, if you get stuck in the middle of the group you look ridiculous, as though someone has bought their little sister out for the night, with you ruining the symmetry of the photo as your head only comes up to everyone else’s shoulders. But it is short girls who have the last laugh, because we only need one or two drinks to get us drunk, as the alcohol has so much less distance to travel, saving us a fortune and ensuring we always have a good time. It’s the little victories that count after all.

Slotting in at the shoulders: the classic short girl photo.