Why every guy should date an English student

Summer is almost here, and what better way to spend the next four months then getting to know that special someone.

Walks across the beach, picnics in the park, spending hours together under the sun; now is definitely the time to find that perfect girl to be your summer romance.

And to make things easy for you, I’ve found your ideal woman… AN ENGLISH STUDENT.

Blessed with natural charm, good looks and the power of words, the women of the English department are quite possibly the most attractive in the uni.

But if you’re still not convinced, here’s a handy list of reasons why you need to start hanging out in Queens just a little bit more before term is over, so that you can find the girl of your dreams for Summer 2014.

1.We have A LOT of spare time

Never will you meet a more dedicated partner than an English student. Our sparse timetables means we are rarely ever in lectures or seminars, which means we have hours to offer to that special someone; romantic brunches, candlelit dinners, midnight strolls – we’re up for all of them.

‘When are you free?’ ‘Oh, just the five days a week…’

2.We speak the language of love

If you’re tired of normal pillow talk, then an English student is sure to cure this, with a large repertoire of stimulating and unexpected phrases available on demand.

It is a truth universally acknowledged that Shakespearean sonnets can sound great when whispered to you in the heat of the moment (and don’t you want to find out what Wordsworth was really doing with his daffodils?)

All of our time reading poetry hasn’t gone to waste, we assure you.

‘What light from yonder window breaks…’ ‘Yeah, go on then’

3.We also write the language of love

If hearing poetry doesn’t get you going, then reading just might. Having spent the entirety of the year writing everything from essays, to short stories to anthologies, we know how to put pen to paper, and it’s not a skill we’re afraid to use.

If your ideal woman courts you with love notes, and can write you a sonnet in Petrarchan, Shakespearian and Spenserian form, then an English student if your type of girl.

Being experts in the art of rhyming, diction and the semi-colon, our words are guaranteed to melt your insides and leave you wishing the page had been double-sided.

Pulitzer’s in the post

4.It’s not about the money, money, money…

Being English students, we have already long accepted the fact that we are never going to be rich.

In fact, we are probably never going to be employed.

Therefore, we are never going to be high maintenance or materialistic, meaning dating us won’t have to break your bank.

Forget fancy restaurants and expensive gifts, we’re happy with a picnic in the park and a second hand book instead.

Because notes are for Economics students

5.We will be your best friends when it comes to essays/strongly worded emails

It is proclaimed in every university prospectus that English teaches you lots of transferable skills, one of which is the ability to fit your writing to any situation.

Whether you need help writing that passive-aggressive letter to the Network Rail, a last-minute cancellation email, or if you just can’t quite find a way to conclude your essay, we are here to help.

And, being our boyfriend, you can be first in the queue for any of your writing woes.

‘I can be literate for both of us’

6. We have LOTS of female friends

And no, this isn’t me suggested that you try dating the whole of the English department at once.

But, considering that about 85% of English students are female, chances are we’ll be able to set your friends up with some of our hot friends.

This will make you super popular with all your mates as they can then enjoy all the amazing benefits of dating English students too.

It’s not ALL about the ratios

7. We are good drinkers

It is a well-known fact that good writers are also good drinkers.

Hemingway, Joyce and Fitzgerald were all said to have created many of their best works whilst drunk.

This means that English students are expertly qualified in the consumption of alcohol, and are guaranteed to be the most fun people to take to the Impy/Arena.

If you want a girlfriend who is guaranteed to be the life and soul of any party or trip to the pub, then look no further than an English student.

Because who actually wants to spend time with a Maths student