They held a fat camp at Penny C in the summer, and now the beds are concave

For just under £7K a year, you’d think the en-suite, balcony and double bed facilities of Penny C would soothe any first year’s worries about halls horror stories.  Unfortunately, the truth is worse than any rumours you’ve seen circulating on the fresher Facebook pages.

What the university fails to tell its prospective students is that Penny C also serves as a 4 star accommodation for Wellspring UK’s summer fat camp, something I discovered on a chance visit to the university just before moving into Penny C and thought nothing of.

It wasn’t until I unlocked my room for the first time I realised the actual horror I had been burdened with for the year. You will never so a bed so concave, and when I say concave, I mean the crater hole of all beds.

Not only had my bed, quite literally, been worn in by its summer campers, the springs of my pancake mattress had also taken a hit with one side significantly more “sprung” than the other. Sleeping on the abominable combination was something I can only compare to lying in a slumped cutlery draw.

Unsurprisingly, I was not the only victim of this on my floor, one particular flatmate found it very distressing. He said: “I can’t bring girls back, it’s just so embarrassing.”

Another joked: “I’m sleeping in the metal mould of obesity.”

The floor sometimes seems like a better option…

So who are the people to blame for all of our suffering? The Americans of course.

According to the receptionist at Penny C, Wellspring Camp is a US based-company which ships of its more portly members from across the world, including the occasional Middle Eastern prince or princess, in an effort to drop a few pounds over the summer.

Residents stay in blocks A-C and dine on a traditional English diet of turkey, venison and buffalo in the Lopes dinning hall.

Their summer is then filled with hitting the gym twice a day, swimming, tennis, visiting Exmouth and playing on the Nintendo Wii in the common rooms in the evening, all of which is overseen by “really fit Irish guys”.

A peek into exercise regimes at Exeter Halls

If they’re particularly lucky they get to have a disco in the dinner room (apparently Middle Eastern royalty are spared from The Lemmy experience).

However, once the rich campers have left healthy, happier people, those who arrive in September are left to face a year of physical and psychological trauma.

Let us all remember that Penny C Crater Beds are a real issue of welfare and quality of life for those who call it their home.

Please spare a thought to these halls victims and raise awareness of their daily struggles.