How to get your SSB rig: Lads’ edition

SSB is back, and the question is not whether or not you can get a ticket, but whether or not you’re in good enough shape.

We’ve scribbled up this two-part article (one for the lads and one for the gals) for you, and depending on which event you chose, you’ve got roughly 7-8 weeks of blood, sweat and tears to get those wash board abs or sculpted rears.

Work hard, play harder

But if you’ve got a good attitude and strong will power, there’s definitely time to stand out from the crowd and catch the eye of that special person or just, well, anyone.

The Lads

Think TESTOSTERONE, TESTOSTERONE, TESTOSTERONE.

This hormone will be your best friend, use it to its full potential to create a Herculean physique.

With this in mind here are some of the big compound movements to get those juices flowing.

1. SQUAT– It’s obvious, ass to grass with manly weights, if you’re looking to build muscle (which you are).

Hit 10 reps 4 sets 30s rest between sets to create a beautiful cocktail of juices, namely lactate, this will stimulate the testosterone production, so feel the burn.

As Arnie said ‘when I’m pumping it feels like I’m cumming’. COULD NOT AGREE MORE. If you’re not having an orgasm you’re not doing it right.

2. Military press/ push press– Very similar except the push press adds an explosive alternative, check online for correct technique. The push press is a personal favourite and will be sure to get you noticed.

Not only that, you’ll be able to hold your own at the bar, whilst some silly hockey player tries to outmanoeuvre you.

Military press

3. Bench- again, another classic, one of the kings; think Zeus is the squat and the bench is also Zeus. He really is that big.

Develop this mighty movement with some swiss-ball incline dumbbell press to take full advantage of the stabilisation required to just stay on the ball! Similarly get on the decline bench for an equally tough session.

4. Bicep Curl! – There’s a reason it’s called curls for girls, because they love them, and if they don’t, their lying and no-one likes a liar.

Everyone works biceps, so in order to really put on size get cracking with some negative reps. Deliberately put too much weight on and concentrate on lowering the dumbbell or barbell back down, hit at least 4seconds on that eccentric phase, get it back up by any means possible and go again. 10 reps 4 sets.

Bicep curl

Be sure to carry a mop and wet floor sign because you’ll be needing it.

5. ABS- Most people forget that these essential muscles must be trained like any another. To get a PROPER rig and not just 12 year old abs, add lots of weight and hit the same rep count and sets as outlined above.

Try weighted cable crunch, loaded hanging leg raises and cable wood chops to secure and all round solid core. Perfect for showing off stability and shagging.

6. Circuits- Fantastic fat burners and all round body toners. Add several circuits to your weekly routine to cut some chub and keep that heart rate elevated.

Don’t be shy to add some weight, make kettle bells your best friend! Swings, push press and snatches are perfect all body workouts.

Loving the snatch

7. Last but not least cardio…. Everyone hates it but it’s got to be done.

Rowing/treadmill intervals should be a staple for any session, 1 minute of work to 30 s rest. Play with the figures to get properly shredded.

Remember building muscle requires tearing fibres, and to do that we need ‘time under tension’; controlled movements will really tear shit up.

You might find it will come in handy after the party, she’ll appreciate it more ways than one.