The Winter Wonderland Ball made me wish the SSB had stayed banned

After the incredible success of Sunday night’s Rio ball, everyone was expecting great things from Volt Marketing’s Winter Wonderland Ball.

What we got, however, was a night of freezing temperatures and disappointment.

The Rio ball’s uncool, ugly younger brother. The Durham to the Rio SSB’s Oxbridge.

However you want to phrase it, I thought it was utterly, utterly shit. How did it all end up going so horribly, horribly wrong?

Yep, this is the big night we’ve waited all year for.

Here was a night that offered snow and celebrities and the chance to get off with MIC stars.

There should have been people getting off to Mariah Carey in their underwear and bad selfies with Jamie Laing and a chance to finally tell our friends up north that Radio 1 DJs do know that Exeter exists.

Quite what the organisers of the event meant when they promised a Winter Wonderland night is beyond me. There were no snow cannons, no confetti blasters and not a Candy Kitten in sight.

In fact, other than the freezing temperatures there was no sign of it being Arctic themed at all.

People clearly embracing the Winter Wonderland theme.

Essentially, it was a small group of scantily dressed youths standing in an abandoned warehouse gradually growing increasingly sober as they couldn’t afford to keep forking out £4.50 for a double.

And some people were unfortunate enough to have paid £30 for the privilege of this experience.

Surprise surprise, the whole night was a complete and utter disaster.

Despite the Cardiff-based event organisers’ claim that 1200 people showed up, the SSB felt as busy as The Lemmy at 9.30pm. But in a bigger colder room.

Ultimately, it was a Safer Sex Ball because not enough people came (pun fully intended).

The next huge flop were the DJs. The first pair seemed to have a preference for the type of music which should only be kept in the confines of Mosaic, and despite continuously announcing that they were about to play their last song, they outstayed their welcome by a good half an hour.

Don’t even get me started on the price of chips.

Jameela Jamil, the supposed headliner of the night, was over and done with so quickly you could have gone for a wee and missed her.

And Jaguar Skills then arrived and decided to play the same song that the other two sets had already used. Yes, Jump by Kris Kros is a great tune, but do we really need it 3 times in one night? No Mr Skills, no we do not.

Despite posting on their Facebook page everyday for the past month to remind us how great the Christmas décor was going to be there, there was barely even a bauble in sight.

Look at all these snow canons and Arctic decor

As Cloe, a fourth year IR student who was at the event last night, said “I feel like they forgot it was happening until yesterday, stuck some fairy lights around the bar, and called it a day”.

But do you know who was having a great time last night? Jamie Laing.

According to organisers of the event, he rang at 7pm to say he changed his mind and wasn’t coming anymore.

However, Twitter stalking has revealed that list night the MiC star was suspiciously in Lincoln at the time of the event and his apology video claims he was “filming” at the time.

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This “filming” supposedly included:

Eating ice-cream.

At the gym.

And buying a new phone case.

https://twitter.com/JamieLaing_UK/status/542802746651717632

Here’s the event in Lincoln he was booked for

…and here he is attending it

However, all of these are things were much more fun than the SSB.

You probably made the right call Jamie.

Yes, there may have been people there in their underwear, but it was far too cold for that to be an enjoyable experience for anyone.

What there was

Jaguar Skills – played the headline set to an intimate audience

What there wasn’t

Alik from Made In Chelsea – nowhere to be seen

3000 people there – organisers claim 1200, bystanders describe it feeling almost empty

Jamie Laing and his Candy Kittens – decided Lincoln’s SU was a better prospect