Which drug is your hall?

Holland Hall – Cocaine

I can smell the Jack Wills from here

The red trousers and signet ring combo of the drug world, cocaine is the rich man’s stimulant, and anyone who can legitimately afford paying extra for a “room with a view” probably also requests their narcotic of choice is delivered to their room on a jewelled platter. By a butler.

New Lafrowda – Marijuana

Not really pushing the boat out, is it

By no means the underdog, more or less everyone applied for New Lafrowda. The sheer ease and convenience of its location reminds one of a particular herbal cannabinoid a majority of people have partaken in at least once in their life. Marijuana’s status as a supposed “gateway drug” is also reflected by New Lafrowda being just a little too close for comfort to its dingier, older, crack-den predecessor.

Old Lafrowda – Heroin

I miss Babushka

Filled to the brim with some of the most grimy and disturbing sights and individuals you’ll ever have the misfortune to see, Old Lafrowda is the harsh reality of otherwise-glorified campus halls life if you’re to scratch beneath the surface, which is painfully similar to heroin’s role in the drug world. The miserable grey-brick interior is often likened to that of a Soviet gulag, while its facade bears a striking similarity to some of the places the protagonists hole up in 28 Days Later. It smells a bit weird, too.

Birks Grange – MDMA

These blocks are certifiably packed with people who love naughty shapes

Another hotly contested site of student accommodation, both Birks and MD are referred to by many as being the “second-most popular” in their respective fields. A bit more rogue and edgy than Lafrowda, its more chilled-out counterpart, the usual evening noise emanating from Birks as a whole cements its status as one of the “party halls”. Especially when its inhabitants slog up Cardiac into campus for a Saturday Lemmy, chanting, offkey, of course, the lyrics to Uptown Funk as they go.

Penny C – LSD

Looks a bit like an old people’s home

Descending now into some of the weirder halls/drugs comparisons, Penny C -while this crowd undeniably loves a good Monday Moz, their attachment to wavey and flair garms of the highest calibre suggest a certain strangeness to the culture of this hall, concave beds and all. Plus, you’d definitely need to be off your fucking tits to wear some of the shirts we’ve seen them “rocking” in Mosaic.

 Moberley – Mephedrone

Where the fuck is it?

Moberley is in itself up there for “most rogue accommodation”. Finding someone who knows roughly where it is, let alone finding someone who lives there, is hard enough. There are never really any reports of it being the site of mass scandals, so one can’t help but think it’s either populated entirely by pigeons, or is actually situated in another dimension. This bears certain similarities to once-legalised stimulant mephedrone, which most normal people are either unaware of, or don’t consider, much like Moberley.

Nash Grove – Calpol

It even LOOKS boring

The sheer lack of dynamism any self-respecting fresher must have in order to actively select “quiet accommodation” should tell you everything you need to know about Nash Grove. We imagine their predrinks are somewhere between painfully tame and nonexistent and a “big night out” probably consists of a lager-shandy at the Impy. Fair enough, though, smashing Arena 3+ nights a week isn’t for everyone – and this is why we’ve assigned Calpol as Nash Grove’s probable drug of choice.