The unwritten rules of the library

When you’ve got a shit ton of work, your first point of call is always ol’ faithful, the library. Rather than staying at home being distracted by your TV and your bed (that horny devil always wants you), you can escape the distractions and study in a silent, serene place where the desk space is ample, as opposed to piled high with old plates and receipts. Seeing other people concentrating around you is also great motivation.

But sometimes at the library, when you’re all Costa’d up and mid-sentence with a brilliant point to make, someone will loudly laugh, or crunch a crisp, and that great thought you had will disappear. You can almost feel the anguish boiling up inside of you -or is that just indigestion from your gingerbread latte? Probably a mixture of the two.

Do some people just not understand the rules of library etiquette? Apparently not. So here at the Tab, we thought we’d break it down for you. Here’s how to go to the library and avoid being the most hated person at Uni.

‘Silent’ and ‘Quiet’ mean you don’t talk

We’re sure this rule probably is written somewhere, well everywhere, but we’re gonna write it again. When we are working, we’d rather not hear your conversations about your bitchy housemate, what you’re wearing tonight, or your painful period. If you’re going to have a quick chat, keep it to a whisper – this one mainly applies to the guys who need to be reminded of that age old primary school lesson. Inside voices and outside voices. And please don’t laugh – you’re not allowed to have fun if we’re not.

Do not come to the library with a cold

No, you’re not a trooper if you come to the library to work when you’re unwell. Stay at home. For one, the sound of coughing and sneezing is probably the most irritating and distracting sound in the world. Secondly, no one wants to catch your germies. We have deadlines to meet and people to chirpse too you know. 

I came to the library to work, not to contract TB

Certain foods are off limits

Crisps. No one wants to hear your crunching noises. If you’ve got smelly ones like Wotsits, Quavers or Monster Munch, please crawl into a hole and stay there.

Hot food. Just eat it outside. You’re making me hungry and I’m on a friggin’ diet.

Tuna, Egg, Cheese or anything with an odour. We’re sure that’s crazy delicious but it smells fucking disgusting so in the words of Jojo, get out right now.

I hope you choke on those quavers

Check the noise coming from your headphones before you put them in your ears

By all means, listen to music while you work. But funnily enough, not everyone enjoys the sound of muffled D’n’B.

Don’t invade other people’s personal space

Sometimes a table is simply not big enough for the two of you. If you’ve got a million papers plus a laptop plus a puppy plus the entire contents of your wardrobe, you’re probably best not to squeeze into that little spot. Think of it rather like a parking space, if your car’s too big, just don’t even try.

Do not answer the phone while still in the silent area

Sometimes you’ve just found the right word to put in your introduction when you hear a phone ringing and a loud “Hello? Yeah one second, just leaving the library” – and the ground breaking revelation you were just about to type disappears. It’s gone forever. If it’s only five seconds between your desk and the door, you can probably just wait until you’re outside to answer the phone. Come on guys.

‘Yeah mate I’m free to talk, yeah just in the library so it’s chill man’

Do not leave your phone on vibrate

There are good vibrations, and there are bad vibrations. Library vibrations are very bad.

Treat your keyboard like you would treat a lady – tenderly

Ok, some keyboards are naturally loud (the new MacBooks are fairly clicky). But sometimes people click so violently that you’re not sure whether to be scared or give them a hug. To all the violent typers out there – show your laptop some TLC (and give us a break).

Give your keyboard the love it craves

No PDA, under any circumstances

If you kiss your other half in the library, do expect to be hit by a textbook. We’ve got enough to worry about with our looming deadlines. We don’t want to be reminded of our everlasting singledom as well.

#NeverOK

Do not tell other people to be quiet

You might want them to be quiet, but you must not ever tell them it’s affecting you. Why? Because we’re in Britain of course and we suffer in silence. However, glaring is totally acceptable. Glare to your heart’s content.