106 name suggestions for Norman the tree’s replacement

It was a cold Tuesday night when we heard the news of Norman’s passing. We looked out our windows and we thought to ourselves, can you even replace a tree? Once it’s gone, can it really go? Can we truly move on from this? Norman was a prestigious icon at Lancaster uni, a statue of love and peace in our esteemed library. But alas, it is true, they are going to replace Norman with a new tree. But the real question is, what would we call it?

When we sat down to think of name possibilities, we were stumped. But then we started to branch out and the names began to take root. You may not agree with them all, but hopefully they will grow on you.

1. Gordon Rams-tree

This new tree will start barking orders at students to stop looking at their phones and study.

2. Norman 2.0

3. Nor-woman 

No need to be sexist. 

4. Tom Nook

The tree in the library watches over everyone as they work under the crushing pressure of their degree. It’s a little like villagers in Animal crossing frantically picking fruit to pay off the extortionate debt of their houses to Tom Nook. 

5. Eve

We all looked to Norman for belief, as one might say Christians look to the bible. Eve is fitting because not only does it resemble the rebellion of not handing your essay in on time (or perhaps staying in the garden of Eden) but it also resembles really fucking things up for the rest of us, like that one person in your group project that just never turns up.

6. Meghan Markle

Because like Norman, her beauty and elegance was ignored by the mainstream media until she left the royal family.

7. Salt

Sugar’s long lost brother.

8. Sultan-na

Lancs’ version of the Alexa. An ode perhaps to our campus Gods. “Hey sultan-na, how long till Whoops Wedneaday?”

9. Kim Kardash-tree-an

Because after Norman’s fate was decided, we need a strong woman who’s down to play but also knows what she wants and how she wants to be treated.

10. Batman

To watch over those long trailing nights.

11. Greg 

Obviously.

12. Gucc-tree

We won’t accept anything but designer, a tree which is sturdy and will last a lifetime. We aren’t wasting our money. We are going high end.

13 treesons why

Just like Hannah Baker, it’s a travesty that Norman died, a tragic event which should never have happened. 

14. Drake

Because alike to Drake’s 2011 album, he needs to be taken care of.

15. The Arctic monktrees

16. Mr worldwide 

An homage to all the poor music choices Lancs students make at pres.

17. Heriditree

For when the deadline gets scary and seems more like the thriller you watched in 2018.

18. Morgan Treeman

19. Mantreeter 

For the Nelly Furtardo fans out there.

“Mantreeter , make you work hard,

Make you spend hard,

Make you want all, of her love,

She’s a mantreeter ” 

20. Tree Sematree

Like Stephen King’s novel “Pet Sematary”, it’s a horror to think about how this tree had been misTREEted. The library itself is a tree cemetery. Norman had been living in a graveyard of his ancestors, an iconic yet chilling thought.

21. Treesa May

A reminder to remain strong and stable. Like its namesake, Treesa May will watch you work until you drop in the library then drink your tears to grow stronger.

22. Down with the pay-tree-archy

23. Normani

Maybe she will be a bit of “motivation”.

24. Treese and onion bake

Because we obviously need to know what the new tree would order from Greggs. It’s a Lancs right of passage. 

25. Treesy curly fries

The only correct Sultan’s order. 

26. Ariana Grandtree

Just wish the sky would Rain on me. Thank you, next.

27. 97% guarantree employment

28. Life isn’t a tree ride 

29. Mother Tree-sa 

30. Treecey Beaker

Just like Norman, you’re going to the dumping ground!

“Bark off!”

“Shut up Justreen.”

31. Ecstatree

There for you when you’re too sober at Tabuki.

32. Justine TIMBERlake

33. Birches for days 

34. Branch du bois

For the English lit student among us, Blanche du Bois from streetcar is a lot like Norman once was. (Fragile, probably lonely.)

35. Donald (tree) trunk

36. Matty healtree

From the 1975, who else?

37. Harry Potter and the order of the trees

38. Rain on tree

39. Willow smith

40. I bless the trees down in Africaaaaa

41. Leaf me alone!

42. Treet you better

“I know I can treet you better, better than Norman”

43. Norman jr 

44. A4

Grimes was allowed to use numbers and letters when naming her baby. Lancs, meet A4.

45. Storm treepor 

46. Birch please

46. I’m leafin, I’m dropping out

Relatable.

47. Rowan hood

48. Tommy Robinson

Because if we’re gonna treat it the way we treated Norman, might as well be a fascist.

49. Leaf it to me 

50. Peter Capaldtree

Norman who?

51. Lewis Capaldtree

Wasn’t Norman someone you loved?

52. The duchess of Cambirch

There is no stopping these plant puns.

53. Good things come in trees

54. Tree’s company

55. I’m absolutely pine

56. Paratree

You wouldn’t steal a tree? So why would you download an illegal DVTree.

57. Adam Treevine

58. Duck

Because that’s all Lancs students care about. Name everything duck, change the uni name to Duckcaster university.

59. Always be-leaf in you 

60. Willowlowlowlowlow

“Apple bottom jeans boots with the fur and the whole club was looking at her she hit the floor she hit the floor next thing you know? Shawty got willowlowlowlowlow.”

61. Wood you be quiet?  

It is a library, after all.

62. Dancing queen

“Dancing queeeeen, young and free, only seven treeeen.”

63. Alicia trees

“New York! Paper jungle where dreams are made of.”

64. MEGAN TREE STALLION

“I’m a savage!”

65. David bowtree

“Is this life on mars?”

66. 21st centree

Here to grow out your 1950s attitudes xoxo.

67. Stormztree

“Looking at tree? Tell my man shut up.” An ode to stormzy.

68. Fred-tree mercury

69. Bohemian rhapsotree

70. Billie Elmlish

“I’m tree bad guy, duh!”

71. Brex-stick  

72. Kate Moss

73. ChrisTREEna Aguilera

74. AMBER LEAF

For the edgier smokers of Lancs.

75. Treesa Green

What a wonderful world.

76. Tree Diddy

77. Treehana

“Hey mr DJ come Pon De Treeplay.”

78. Tree amo tree amo

79. Benedict Cumbertree 

80. Do you love tree?

“Now that I can dance.”

81. Will you still love tree tomorrow?

82. Shearlock Holmes

83. Treevor

Named after Furness’ bar.

84. We tree kings

85. Nightmare on elm Street

86. Elm-o and the Cooktree monster

Vegan Sesame Street.

87. Tree will tree will rock you

88. The treety of versailles

Since you all want war hero Churchill to keep standing, why not name the tree after the real war hero?

89. Valertree

“Why don’t u come on over valertree!”

90. Don’t leaf me hanging 

These are starting to turn into dad jokes.

91. Root of the problem

92. Leaf, laugh, love x

93. Rooting for you

94. A cuppa tree

Or a cuppa cofftree.

95. Leaf on me

“… When you’re not strong.”

96. Keep calm and plant a tree 

97. Lusu President

Because I’d rather have a tree represent me than any of the current candidates ( for those voting RON).

98. Tree’s a crowd

99. Megan Treena

It’s all about watering that base.

100. Girl on the tree

Instead of “Girl on the train”.

101. Ma-tree-anne

Normal trees instead of “Normal People”.

102. Emily Matreelis

See you on news night listening to Prince Andrew say he can’t sweat.

103. Jeffrey eps-tree-in

104. Tree K Maxx

105. Go burritreero

106. Tree-ple vodka coke

Which one was your favourite? No matter what this new tree is named, it will never be able to replace our love for Norman.

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