10 ways to ruin Valentine’s Day

V-day dates contain a lot of pressure. The need to be wined and dined, to look good and the year-long anticipation of a wildly romantic evening can result in a massive anti-climax. For those who hadn’t already imagined their worst fears, here are some ways you can ruin Valentine’s Day.

#1 Invite your friends

Nobody wants to spend this night alone – and with only two people the conversation can dry up a little… so you might invite your friends to gate-crash. The crowds will disperse any intimate atmosphere and slowly push your date out of the picture by incessantly talking about in-jokes they won’t understand.

#2 Propose

If you like it then you shouldn’t put a ring on it

The want to out-do your partner in signs of adoration may culminate in the overarching urge to express your unfaltering love. Any chat about the topic of marriage, kids, and a house with two dogs is a MASSIVE turn-off. We’re young and just looking to get lucky on the one night pulling seems guaranteed.

#3 Order the wrong food

Remember to get your date some food too

With the prior preparation involved in beautification for the big day, don’t wreck it all by ordering a dish that is impossible to consume attractively. Spaghetti, fajitas and those burgers at Almost Famous will NOT impress your date by showing how much you can fit in your mouth – table manners are essential.

#4 Forget to shave

Don’t turn this into a nasty af-hair

For those who favour the clean-shaven look, make sure you do it in time for the big night. Dry-shaving in a hurry will only result in a nasty rash and a decrease the likelihood of action. However, if your date likes it hairy, grow away.

#5 Publish your every moment

Her date must have been a real bore

Nobody wants to see your bouquet of Asda roses, or your wonderful candlelit dinner. Stop tweeting about how romantic your date is being and actually spend time with them. You might think you’re capturing the moment of a lifetime in insta-form but really you’re ruining the exclusive mood by overshare of “i lff u bbz <3”.

# 6 Talk about your ex

Your ex may have swept you off to Paris for the 14/2/13 but sharing this with your date will make them feel inadequate and pissed off. You may feel like you’re just trying to give some constructive criticism but, if anything, your date should be nothing like your ex – there’s a reason you didn’t last.

 #7 Gamble on the reservation

This is just stupid. If you haven’t booked a restaurant for Valentine’s Day way in advance, you are highly unlikely to get a seat and, if you do, your table will be a makeshift one propped up by the kitchen where you can hear the waiters complaining about how busy it is. BOOK or stay at home.

#8 Anticipate sex too early

A little under-dressed

As sexy as turning up in nothing but your stockings and a mac may seem, this could go terribly wrong. 1. You will look far too keen (especially if this is going to be your first sexual encounter with said person) and 2. They may have plans, such as a cinema viewing or a trip up city tower before returning home. You will be left to pretend you aren’t completely naked underneath your coat whilst you try to enjoy the romantic event your date has set up for you.

#9 Be stingy

It is hard to woo on a student budget but if you think you can get away with not paying on the most expensive time of the year for a date, you’re wrong. Don’t try a runner or “forget your wallet”, don’t assume that because you’re the girl that’s okay, offer to go double dutch. Even the poorest student can stretch to a homemade card (even if it’s made from the ripped off cover of a textbook).

#10 Forget

With waking up around 12pm and having your life revolve around your next lecture or night out you might even forget Valentine’s Day is happening until you get that dreaded card from your mum through the post. If you can’t remember the date, the rest of these pit-falls are useless and you may as well have slept through it all.

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