The Carnatic/Greenbank rivalry is dead

Liverpool is a city of great rivalries. The “friendly” derby of red vs. blue, University of Liverpool vs. John Moores, and the immortal battle of the freshers taking place each night out, on the battleground of the top deck of the 699.

But, let’s be honest, the Carnatic vs. Greenbank rivarly is tame, boring, and in need of serious regeneration.

It is the sort of pointless, cringe-worthy example of student one-upmanship, more a means of filling spare time than anything to be even remotely passionate about. The only people who aren’t bothered are devoted Medics, who just don’t have the time for such tomfoolery.

U wot m8

Getting rowdy

Bar the timeless lyric “I’d rather go to Baghdad than Greenbank”, the standard of chants is awful, and is forever slipping. There are currently only two chants besides the Baghdad classic: “We hate Carnatic/Greenbank” and “Greenbank wankers”.

It’s embarrassing no one has the creativity to come up with anything better. English students: where the hell are you? It’s not like you don’t have the time to put together a few verses. You don’t have to be Wordsworth, just able to make things rhyme.

If new songs aren’t in the pipeline, then how about at least the return of “I’d rather live in a paedo’s attic than Carnatic”? The classics never die after all, and it’d make a welcome change.

So Solid Crew

Moments of individual heroism have also been lacking. No Spartan stand on the top deck to out par the opposition halls, no brave Amazonian assault to claim the back seat and then initiate a pile-on. Though let’s be honest, no one really cares how many people are on the back seat of the bus.

Questions need to be asked. Does anyone need a hero? Does anyone actually care?

Does this mean it’s time for riders of the 699 to put aside their foam swords and devote their voices to just great songs? Could anyone really stand an awful rendition of Wonderwall twice a week?

‘We are the angry mob’

Freshers should take their love for singing and pursue new rivalries and new motivations to bang on the windows and risk ejection from the vehicle. The off-campus freshers must unite and form an opposition to the lords and ladies of the manor, residing at Crown Place and Vine Court.

If we don’t come up with something different and realise there is no room for half-measures, we will have no option but to pack it in.  Because at the moment, Greenbank versus Carnatic feels more like mid-table end of the season fixture, than something to tell your grand-kids about.