Your fave clubs according to Facebook reviews

Who actually writes these?  

It turns out, a lot of people. Ever wondered what locals and students (who aren’t your mates) think of your favourite night out? We complied a list of the most useful, comprehensive and enlightening reviews to ensure you really know what you’re getting yourself into before you teeter through town.

The Raz – 4*/5

A Monday night favourite, cheap drinks and cheesy tunes makes The Raz one of Liverpool’s most loved student nights. And also the place you’re most likely to lose everything you own.

There seems to be a theme here, ladies. What is it with The Raz and not being able to keep hold of your stuff? Four phones, a jacket and a driving license all floating on the Fat Frog covered floor, never to be seen again.

You answered all your own questions and I suspect you were very drunk writing this. But, Who are Val and Dave? Who are Cowboy Brumie, Poppadom, Smokey and Spunko? Did they see them tomorrow? What an enigma.

Heebie Jeebies 4.2*/5

An underrated night, definitely. Popular not only with students but with older locals, too. And very drunk Irish men.

Now these 40 year-olds could well have looked really young, but no matter what age you are, NOBODY gets past the ID scanner, no matter however many sashes, badges and feather boas they were wearing.

Aw, guys.

Soho – 4.3*/5

It’s where you go when you can’t be bothered to queue or pay for entry, the drinks are over priced but the music is fun. Can’t win them all.

Why are you even eating a burger in Concert Square? How dare you call a splendid mix of Skepta, Jay Z and Queen Bey “lame”. Go away. Soho doesn’t want you back.

Alright mate we didn’t need a novel.

Brooklyn Mixer – 4.5*/5

Another Monday night classic on Seel Street.

“OBVI.” Are you off Made In Chelsea? Bet he’s a Southerner. “dopest”?? This is Merseyside, not Cali.

He loves it. Loves the “tunnage dwnstairs” and look at all of those exclamation marks. But why only one star? Who hurt you?

Level – 4.6*/5

Standard first year night, you can always rely on cheap student night drinks and an appearance from an ‘Ex on the Beach’ z-lister.

What more could you possibly want on a Wednesday night?

My heart weeps for this lady. No leprechauns? No Guinness shots? And I bet the one song was ‘C’est La Vie’ by B*Witched. Even while suffering “emotional let down” she still gave a generous two stars.

Sound familiar? Yep – he’s back – personally offended Soho reviewer. Concert Square is not this guy’s friend at all. “Ermm im probs one off the most sensible people in town and i hardly drink when am in town aswell to look out for me mates”. It’s not you mate, it’s them, I promise.

24 Kitchen Street – 4.9*/5

Coming in with only one 1* review, 24 Kitchen Street comes out as the winner here.  And it’s all down to the ~vibes~.

Well, they’ve definitely nailed the vibes.

I see what you’re saying, I just don’t know what you mean. Personifying those vibes. So edgy.