What your choice of Liverpool taxi company says about you

After a night in Liverpool, which taxi company does one choose to spend the final few quid from the tenner you got out earlier with? Which one ensures a safe return to your humble Smithdown abode? It’s clear that this important decision is directly linked to the kind of person you are in life.

Delta

You’re a traditionalist who likes to stick to what you know. You book your Delta into town at 11.30 but keep calling them back to postpone because your pres are too legendary to end yet. You go to Level on a Wednesday and Raz on a Monday, every week, without fail. You also still think Carnage is worth going to and that YikYak is relevant. Tesco Meal Deals form a worryingly large part of your diet.

Top of Seel Street please boss x

Alpha

Delta is too mainstream for you and you see yourself as an ‘outside the box thinker’. “Alpha is cheaper and quicker” you scream to your less original friends. You tell people you don’t get the hype about Bake Off and that Pepsi is better than Coke. You haven’t missed an event at Kitchen Street for a long time. You wear classic reeboks and vintage American football sweatshirts. You think you’re the only person who has ever been to Bestival and can’t resist bringing up your gap year in Thailand.

Uber

You’re socially pretty elite and work as a promoter for Brooklyn Mixer. You cannot possibly make your 9am Marketing lecture without a Tall, Non-Fat Soya Latte with Caramel. You ‘always get ubers’ when you’re partying in Manchester, because occasionally you’re too big time for Liverpool. You tell everyone you’ve been using the app for ages even though you probably haven’t. You never carry cash so if you ever use any other taxi service you tell your friends “you’ll buy them a drink when you get in” (but never do because you’re too busy ensuring the club photographer has noticed you). 

I just called an uber and it’s right outside X

Davy Liver Ltd

You’re dedicated to a very authentic Liverpool experience, you wear hair rollers in public and have developed some weird fake scouse accent. You enjoy lengthy stories about how much Liverpool has changed over the years. You had a night out in Fresher’s week and Davy Liver Ltd came to rescue when all other taxis were booked and now you feel some kind of weird loyalty to the company.

Black Cabs

You have more money than sense. You’re the guy who blew his entire student loan in Fresher’s Week (but it didn’t matter because mummy tops up your account because it fills her with horror that you might not be able to afford red pepper hummus). You don’t like to plan your nights out because you’re too fun and spontaneous so you just jump into a black cab and throw a tenner in the taxi drivers face and shout “get as close to concert square as possible”. The fact there isn’t a Waitrose in Liverpool makes you uncomfortable. You tried to get into Oxbridge and failed, but tell everyone you “chose” Liverpool anyway. You probably study Medicine, or Dentistry. You voted for Brexit.

Excel

You’re reliable; friendly and stable but for some reason you’re under-appreciated. You’re the mum of the group, you probably had a year or two out and worked full time. You hold back the hair of your messier flat mates whilst they’re throwing up outside Heebie’s and then offer to make them a bacon sandwich in the morning.

Not a Taxi.. But the night bus home

There’s something overly optimistic about you, something ambitious. You are on your final few pennies before your student loan comes in, but you can’t miss a night out so you’re taking every measure to save on cash. “Taxi’s are such a waste of money, we paid for our bus passes” you shout, trying to convince the non-believers. You’re the one who gets an empty water bottle and fills it with an extra bev so your pre-drinks extend into the journey into town. There’s only one category in a more desperate situation than you and that’s those who attempt a walk home from town.

This is literally a standard Friday

Com Cab

We’re not really sure who you are, are you ok?