Everything is better in the world now that Juicy is back

When Juicy dramatically left The Shipping Forecast in August and headed to The Merchant, devastation was widespread. It just wasn’t the same. The Merchant is great, they sell pizza and good gin, but Juicy did not belong there. Then, when Cool It gave us the belated Christmas present we never knew we wanted – it came back home.

The thing about Juicy is, it’s a lifestyle. Your week starts and ends on a Tuesday. Everything builds up to it and pales in to insignificance after it. A Juicy night out always goes the same way: you hit the group chat up with “Gals, what are we doing Tuesday then?!” and await the eager replies.

The rest of the week is spent working out what variation of jeans and a nice top you’re going for this week – blue jeans? Black jeans? Cropped top? Mesh? Maybe you’ll even go as far as a dress, but one thing is for sure and that is you’ll be wearing comfortable shoes. Who can dutty whine to Sean Paul in their stilettos? Put safety and comfort first.

Preparation for Juicy begins early, when Tuesday rolls around and uni is done and dusted you squeeze in a power nap and get going. If you’re going to leave pres before 11 it means you’ve got to get drinking early. Not only that, you’ve got to get your classic Juicy pics done early. Get them on Instagram while everyone’s tipsily throwing around their double taps. Why not check in to Juicy? #GetMyGrindOn #Juicyyyyyy #LoveThese

obligatory squad pic

When you rock up to the queue at 10:55pm, likely swigging the last of your rosé from a plastic cup, you are positively buzzing to get inside. You probably bump into some people who you vaguely know, all equally excited you get very invested in conversation with them and offer to go for hangover brunch the next day. This obvs doesn’t happen.

Once you’re in, that’s where the magic happens. You get yourself a well earned red stripe, a free shot by texting that number and head down to the dancefloor. You take prime position somewhere between the toilets and the bar and wait for the sensual mix of hip hop, R&B and bashment. Or tech house in the basement, but that’s a no.

name a more iconic trio

The hours pass so quickly in Juicy. One minute you’re grinding on a stranger to Controlla, the next you’re trying not pass out after screaming your way through Love On Top. You go from breathlessly rapping along to Gold Digger to angrily reminding the whole dancefloor that you don’t want no scrub, a scrub is a guy that can’t get no love from you.

And then, when everything is over, and you hang up your Adidas jacket from Resurrection, it’s time to crawl home with some red salted chips and dream about the night’s events. Who pulled? Who cried? Who threw up? Will you make your 9am? Realistically: everyone, everyone, everyone and no.

Will you do it all again next week? Yes.