SJ Starbs machine or Bold St Coffee: What your on-campus coffee choice says about you

Where you get your coffee in Liverpool says a lot about you. Whether you choose to trek to the North Campus Costa or never leave the confines of the SJ gives even the smallest clue as to your personality traits. We can read you like a book you would read nonchalantly in a coffee shop.

Costa

You’re very traditional, you’re someone who sticks to what they know and follows the majority. You’re a “I don’t mind, I’ll go if you’re going” kind of person when it comes to nights out. You stroll into Costa in your plain white t shirt and order a basic Americano, no milk. You study a business management course in order to make it onto a very safe graduate scheme and will probably move to somewhere like Hertfordshire, settle down and get a mortgage before you’re 25.

Starbucks

At least on the outside, your life is fully together. You almost definitely own a MacBook and you’ve Instagrammed your coffee at least twice this semester. You study something like Communication or Psychology, sit in social study and aren’t really sure what you want to do when you graduate. You might go travelling, you might move home. Whatever happens – you’ll fondly look back on your fairly standard university experience, and probably tweet about how much you miss Heebies.

Starbucks Machine

As above but you’re a bit cheaper and don’t mind those milk sachets. You’re probably three hours into a library session at all times and most of your conversations end with you talking about how STRESSED you are. “Babe. Honestly I’m so stressed. My diss is due in four weeks you know! Shall we get a coffee? I could probably do with a break right about now.” You’re definitely in third year.

Caffè Nero

Who do you think you are choosing to go to Caffe Nero? It is absolutely not a thing. Caffe Nero looks like a parody of itself. There is a Gregg’s literally next door which would be better. Why are there two Fs? If you go to Caffe Nero it’s because you always go there. You have a loyalty card which you ensure gets stamped every single time you’re in and you are sure to claim that free tenth coffee. You probably study sociology and let’s face it, your favourite night out is probably Level. If Costa is the straight laced big sister you’re probably the rogue cousin.

Bold Street Coffee

“We must stop the evil large conglomerates from stealing our souls” you scream whilst wearing a pair of Adidas Stan Smiths and scrolling through your iPhone. Getting a Bold Street Coffee is an attempt to overthrow the larger coffee chains and an indictment of the socialist beliefs you have suddenly developed since leaving private school. You were probably an Oxfam volunteer at Glastonbury and you are a regular at Kitchen Street. You still try to convince your friends that Jeremy Corbyn will be the next prime minister and study politics with philosophy and feel some type of way about smashed avocado.

92 Degrees

92 Degrees is still a protest against large multi national corporations, but a slightly less aggressive one than Bold Street. It’s more “I support local businesses” than “let’s tear apart the evil chains of consumerism.” You are not quite committed enough the cause to traipse down the very bottom of Hardman street. You probably read Penguin classic novels whilst sipping on a flat white and pretend to enjoy some homemade lavender cake. In reality, you’d rather be watching Ex On the Beach with a packet of quavers.

The Guild

Honestly, at this point, you’re just here for the cheap caffeine fix. At a modest £1 for a decent Americano you’re not breaking the bank but also giving yourself a fairly adequate treat. You live on Smithdown and go to the Guild as soon as you get off the bus, otherwise, let’s face it, you probably wouldn’t go there.

Bringing in your own coffee

There are two possible reasons for bringing in your own coffee, you’re either way too deep in your overdraft to even consider a fancy caramel latte or simply too tight. You’re the kind of person who says “hey Dan, you don’t have that £1.13 from last week do you? I’ve probably got 7p change”. Even the ladies in the library café are judging you as you walk past with your thermos clasped around your hands. Your coffee is probably cold by the time you’ve secured a seat in the Sydney Jones, but you don’t care because you saved the pennies anyway.