Selfies: Acceptable vs unacceptable

There is a pandemic sweeping the nation on the stage of social media, a seemingly indestructible force that is growing by the day. ‘Selfies’. Now officially inscribed in our history through the medium of the Oxford English dictionary, it is about time that we put a marker on what is acceptable and what is not when it comes to taking one.

We all know what they are, and who the worst culprits are. If you don’t, (I assume you don’t have Facebook/Twitter/Instagram/Snapchat) a ‘selfie’ is quite simply a picture of oneself, taken by oneself. The camera held above head height with the duck billed pout, the flash off of the phone camera in the mirror, or the skinny Schwarzenegger hopefuls, they’re all getting out of hand.

The ‘selfie’ has bred a new league of vanity, which has become so socially acceptable that there is now a digital self, and a real self – two totally different people.

Of course, there are some ‘selfies’ that are acceptable. I’ve have compiled a list of unacceptable vs acceptable ‘selfies’, aiming to cleanse the term ‘selfie’ to its rightful place of fun that it deserves. Feel free name and shame your friends.

Acceptable

The Morgan Freeman

This selfie is quite simply to tell a spectacular story. A photo of yourself that depicts a story which people want to see, such as meeting a celeb, a dramatic change in hair, or with a quite spectacular background.

The real reason KP just had to go

The Ironic

This particular selfie has two possibilities:
1) The overly ridiculous pout that is blatantly taking the piss out of those that take the pout seriously.
2) Taking a picture of yourself in an incredibly serious situation, completely reducing the serious meaning of the event to the silliness of a selfie.

One of life’s unanswerable questions

The Elephant Man

A very ugly photo of oneself. Genuinely unpleasant to look at, yet entertaining and heartwarming.

Thumbs n’ chins

The punisher

Usually the result of a 5-0 thrashing on FIFA, or any other common bets. A posting of a ‘serious’ topless selfie onto any/all social media for 24hrs. Similar to ironic, very much encouraged.

Note: This photo was taken in the name of journalism to make a point, I did not actually lose 5-0 at FIFA, and to be honest I rarely ever lose generally.

The get out of jail card

Unfortunately boys, this one isn’t for you. Girls, this is the setting of your profile picture to your face when you’re looking particularly lovely. Pick wisely though, you only get one in your life.

You’ve used your card

 Unacceptable

The cat’s arse

A selfie in which you pout. A serious pout.

Subtle, but it’s a definite pout. And its definitely Unacceptable.

The flash gordon

The phone flash in the mirror where the flash is more prominent than the rest of the person guilty of taking it.

Can’t even see her face. Surely that’s defeating the point? A common feature among flashed selfies. Come on.

The ‘I’m Beckham’s best mate’

More based on snapchat, these are the snapchats captioned with the most distant and irrelevant link to their photo, and is an excuse to upload a pretty picture.

Timberlands, tan, if you must know.

The Schwarzenegger

Any selfie aiming to show off ‘muscle’.

Saucy

The Elephant Man mask

Similar to an ‘Elephant Man’, an attempt of an ugly photo. This one, however, is unacceptable, because it is quite clearly a very nice photo, and is entitled ‘ugly’ in a desperate attempt to make it acceptable. Despite the sneakiness, you don’t fool us!

Selfitis?

The “Team Nigella”

A picture of food, often hashtagged #motivation, #healthy, #diet, #green. Although not technically a selfie, please, for the love of God, stop. No seriously, like, seriously, please.

No, like, actually. Please.

 This article was originally published on The Tab Manchester