What if Wayne was paying?

Result! Rooney scores £300k a week deal. But Manchester United’s main man’s deal will make him more money than that degree of yours ever will.

Rooney is that you?

So what could a Manchester student buy with all that cash?

Wayne Rooney, our shining bastion of English football, lies amidst the top of this mountain of cash. Discontented with scratching around on the reported £250,000 a week, Rooney has recently signed a new four-and-a-half year contract in where he’ll bag a huge £300,000.

It’s a deal that was reportedly delayed due to negotiations over ‘image rights’ – two words which sit together rather uneasily in relation to the follically-challenged striker.

Yes, for all you mathematicians out there that’s another £70m by the age of 33 – not bad for a man referred to by his friends as “Wazza”, eh?

Result

For us students, however, a frugal weekly budget means life is rather different. Away from Old Trafford, the highlights reel in Fallowfield is more likely to include not getting rained on whilst queuing for a free Domino’s, cheap Rev’s on a Monday, or maybe a particularly lively argument about who left the heating on.

So what would it be like on the other side? The Tab brings you student life on a stupid salary. What you could afford if Wayne was paying?

FOOD

An essential ingredient of the student life, Fallowfield is home to an ample supply the fuel we need to sustain our busy schedules, but how far could we go?

Sainsbury’s meal deals: 100,000

That’s enough to feed everybody in the whole of Chesterfield.

Taste the difference?

Kebab King chicken doners: 85,714

Paz will probably give you a free can, too

Nando’s Chicken Butterfly: 29,270

Winner winner…

TRAVEL

Who needs a Bentley when there’s the Magic bus, right? We could all really go to town – no, actually we could.

Magic Riders: 35,294

Enough to transport the entire population of both Fallowfield and Withington up and down Oxford Road.

Mega Riders: 24,000

“Change for a £50?”

ACCOMMODATION

A far cry from Alderley Edge, but you at least there would be enough cash to accommodate plenty of your friends.

You could probably have a nice back yard too, and pay someone to clean that mould from your bedroom walls.

Owen’s Park rooms: 2521

Or, for the less sociable bunch, that’s your lovely single room for over 48 years!

Pretty

Spacious

House rent rooms: 3750

I’ll take a few of these

You’ll get a double bed and everything

ENTERTAINMENT

No student week would be complete without a couple of nights of debauchery and mischief. First round’s on me.

Squirrels pint of foster’s: 200,000

Really letting pour

Next

Bottles of New Zealand Wine: 125,000

Enough to just about fill that swimming pool in Mummy and Daddy’s back garden

Only the finest

The best booze in Fallowfield

No. of tickets to Sankey’s Full Moon: 60,000

That’s the entire population of the country of Bermuda. Might need to extend that smoking area.

If you’ve got that many mates

Parklife tickets: 3774

Who cares about the booking fee!

You’ll feel liberated

Rita will be impressed

Hours in Pandora’s (having a massage): 3333

Even Rooney would love it here