The five most awkward moments on campus

1. Running into an ex

We’ve all been there. You hooked up during freshers, told all of your friends that it’s “the most meaningful relationship you’ve ever been in” and then, two weeks later, zilch. Nothing. Nada. The person who you had “such a connection with” has vanished out of your life (and bed) and now you’re stuck looking like a complete idiot, with everyone asking you where your “life partner” has got to. Bonus points if you live with the person, and you have the awkward bumping into, but not actually acknowledging that you’re not actually together anymore.

 2. Making a loud noise in the library

“Can’t talk right now, library security are after me.”

If this occurs during exam time, even more awkward. Nothing can beat the glares and tutting that you receive when you accidentally scrape a chair or whisper something too loudly. Special shout out to the girl who wore cowboy boots with studs in the middle of exam period. That noise haunts me in my nightmares.

 3. Being turned away from a club

“Mate, this is such a sick night. I’m soooo wasted!!”

Okay, so you went overboard at pre-drinks. You insist on telling everyone in the taxi that you feel “totally fine” and it’s going to be a “siiiiick night”. You get to the club, wait in a queue for what feels like hours and when it’s finally time for you to get in, you mess it up. You try and have ‘banter’ with the bouncer, as your friends look on with horror. As he asks for your ID, you hand him a LegoLand driver’s license and expect him to find it funny. I can tell you now, he definitely doesn’t. You are left, on your own outside the club, as your friends don’t like you that much to stay with you. Go home. Hang your head in shame.

 4. Being caught having sex at a house viewing

This guy saw things. Only therapy can save him now.

It’s 2pm on a Wednesday afternoon. What else is there to do? All of the good day time programmes are over, and you don’t actually want to do any work. So, you and your partner get jiggy with it. We don’t judge here at the Tab. But then, through the haze of ‘stuff’ that’s going on, you hear the door open. There stands a shocked estate agent, with a bunch of people behind them, all dying to see what’s going on. Cue hysterical scramble to put clothes back on, hide the handcuffs and regain some dignity.

 5. Be hit on by a lecturer

A future art lecturer trying to perfect the ‘hitting on students’ technique

Admittedly, this doesn’t happen that often. But when it does, it’s probably the most awkward thing that will happen to you in your life. I’ll set the scene. You’re at a course society social, with most of the faculty there. There is alcohol. As we know, alcohol makes people do stupid things. You go over to say hi, and make small talk. The lecturer says that they’ve noticed you, and would you like to go out for a drink sometime? You make an excuse, and run back to your table. No amount of showers will erase that memory.