The types of people you’ll meet at the gym

Lycra Girls

The easiest to spot: the girls who spend more time getting ready for the gym than actually being there, often found strolling around with smartphone and Diet Coke in hand.

Gym wear: A full face of make up is a must; practical hairstyles, not so much. Expect lycra leggings or hotpants, preferably with matching florescent sports bra.

Most likely to: Be caught taking selfies/reapplying mascara in the mirrors, or to pop into Starbucks on the way home.

Least likely to: Actually break a sweat.

Quote: “This is going straight on Instagram”

“At the #gym for a #workout. But first, let me take a #selfie” (Sunglasses optional)

The try-hards

Basically the male equivalent of a lycra girl, there are guaranteed to be at least a couple of these lads hogging the weight machines. Usually found hanging around the water cooler, updating their Twitter followers on their “progress”.

Gym wear: Usually a vest top – preferably one that exposes as much nipple as possible.

Most likely to: Make incredibly disturbing grunting noises whilst lifting weights which are far to heavy, usually as a girl is walking past.

Least likely to: Remember leg day.

Quote: “Do you even lift, brah?”

“Do my pecs look big in this?”

People who may as well live there

Unlike the rest of us heathens, the gym is not a way for these guys to get fit or lose weight, it’s a way of life.

Gym wear: Anything that wouldn’t go amiss on a professional athlete: expect expensive brands and high-tech, sciencey-looking trainers (if you’re wearing them every day you may as well invest).

Most likely to: Be the first to arrive to the gym in the morning and the last to leave at night. Also to shower in the gym.

Least likely to: Take a day off.

Quote: “No pain, no gain.”

BNOC Markus Okafor shows fellow gym-goers how it’s done

Slackers

Apparently just turning up to the gym doesn’t automatically qualify as making an effort, and, looking at this lot, that’s pretty obvious.

Gym wear: Anything but clothes actually designed for exercise: shoes caked with dirt from a night out, tracksuit bottoms covered in food/tea stains, any t-shirt comfortable enough to wear as pyjamas.

Most likely to: Cycle really slowly whilst watching Countdown on the little TV, take a casual stroll on the treadmill playing Flappy Bird, leave the gym after 20 minutes tops.

Least likely to: Replace that incredibly tatty pair of plimsoles.

Quote: “They’re not tights, they’re leggings”

The line between sportswear and loungewear is a blurry one

Newbies

Sometimes difficult to distinguish from the gym professionals among us, keep an eye out for the initial expression of optimism slowly turn into a face that says, “I don’t know what I’m doing here”.

Gym wear: Similar to that of a hardcore gym freak, but look out for pristine trainers that have barely seen outside of a shoebox, and forgotten labels hanging out of t-shirts.

Most likely to: Be found standing in a daze in front of a set of weights, or staring at the screen on a cross trainer before a member of staff comes along to help.

Least likely to: Remember their membership card.

Quote: “What do these buttons mean?”

Running into trouble: Treadmills can be tricky to operate for the unexperienced