‘I ate salad with my hands’: Ali G charging 15p for plastic forks

Stingy staff in the Ali G café have started charging 15 PENCE for flimsy plastic forks.

Learning commons killjoys slapped on the charge just before reading week, forcing some skint students to eat with their hands.

Exhibit A: the forks in question

One outraged student told us how distraught she was after embarking on a hard day of studying – but forgot her utensils.

She said: “I confidently walked up to the counter in Ali G and reached in to the pot full of plastic forks.”

“My hand was almost slapped away by one of the old ladies asking whether I had bought anything.”

“When I admitted to just wanting to borrow one of their many forks, I was told it would cost me 15p so I gave her evils, walked to the SU where I got one, and walked back into the learning commons with more pride than sense.”

A 2nd year student told The Tab that she was asked to pay 15p for a fork even when she was working at an Open Day: “I would never pay for something they used to give out for free, so I lowered myself to eating salad with my hands”.

The penny-pinching ladies of the Ali G café will try to charge you 15p for a plastic one

But it’s not just recyclable utensils that these ladies seem to think they can charge us for; they’ve been asking for 45p for a single cup of hot water.

A 5th year medic told The Tab: “It’s a fucking travesty. I remember the days when water was free for all.”

A third year student was left embarrassed when asked to cough up the money for water: “I had to pay 45p for water for my lemsip. I really thought they were joking.”