Watty you may be grotty but we love you

It might not quite be central London, but what it lacks in class it makes up for in character.

So it might not be the poshest of places, but it’s our shithole hometown we all love to hate and we wouldn’t want to have grown up anywhere else.

Here’s why:

There’s something for all ages

A trip to the Harlequin (nay, Intu watford) was as exciting as things got in year seven, and no self respecting 17-year-old or 33-year-old milf can resist the disco room on a Friday night. The Cadburys slide at Playdome was the highlight of our childhood and lest we forget begging our mums for a lift to the cinema because public transport just doesn’t reach that far. Watford also boasts day activities such as Laser Quazer and Top Golf, which are definitely not just for kids. Who knew getting pissed and hitting golf balls off a roof could be so much fun? They even have a DJ for gods sake.

Our clubbing scene is tragic but we can’t help but love it

Since the tragic closure of Area a few years back, Oceana has been our one and only. One of only four left in the country, where else can you bump into your primary school bestie and your GCSE PE teacher in the same club? They even have foam parties on bank holidays. We wouldn’t be seen dead in a club like this at uni, but we can’t help but crave the nostalgia brought on by the obscene daggering in the Barcelona room. Probably best to avoid if you have a particular dislike for underage teenagers or Herts sports science students though.

Oceana

The VIP room is where you’ll find the worst of the bunch – overeager estate agents blowing a week’s wages on a bottle of Veuve to impress the sixth formers who are pretty enough to get the wristband. They probably arrived at 10.30pm to get in for free through WooWoos. You might think you’ve met a keeper in the disco room, but then he asks what flavour sourz shot you want when he said he was getting you a drink. You think you’re having a shit time, and when you remember you paid £10 for entry on a student night you realise it’s probably time to stop doing this.

To our disbelief, in January 2016 they opened a new VIP club called Hydeout where Cameo used to be. However, unlike the London clubs Dstrkt and Mahiki the ‘elete clientèle’ will consist of 30 year old milfs and booths filled with Gary’s and Glen’s; plumbers who have made the ‘upgrade’ from Ocies VIP and are sharing a bottle of Ciroc between ten. If you’re looking for a wealthy man to provide for you and your Chanel addition, you’re unlikely to find the man of your dreams here.

We stay true to our roots

Outsiders may fear that being within such close proximity to London, Watty may be filled with pretentious hipsters and extortionate vegan cafes. They would be mistaken. McDonalds is still our most popular amenity and against all odds we’ve managed to maintain our unoriginal, grotty exterior and keep the wannabe hipsters at bay.

You’ve got to give it to them though, they gave the renovation a good go. The new pond bit actually looks rather nice and they’ve put in a load of extra restaurants, including ANOTHER Nandos to make the high street extra cheeky.

We’re pretty famous, Eastenders and the Inbetweeners were filmed here

Watford also has its fair share of claims to fame. Classics such as Eastenders, The Inbetweeners and The Demon Headmaster were filmed here, not forgetting the infamous Harry Potter whose set is still open to the public at Leavesden Studios. Watford FC’s promotion into the Premier League also helped to put us on the map, along with the fact Elton John used to be their club chairman. We even have our own gold post box in the high street thanks to Anthony Joshua’s olympic victory in 2012. It hasn’t even been graffiti’d yet, its a miracle.

Still prefer the met line

The locals will keep you entertained

In spite if all this, what makes Watford so unique is the people. There’s no point pretending we have the friendliest locals who love to stop in the street for a chat like the northerners, cause we don’t. If you start a conversation with a stranger, they will probably think you are socially inept and weird. And that’s the beauty of it.

Let’s be honest, no one can be arsed to tell the uninterested cashier a detailed itinerary of their weekend. And yes, Chantelle, Britney and Kayleigh may spend their day nicking bras from Primark, but they’ll probably still lend you some lippy in the Ocies toilets.

Gorgeous babe

The Met Line

Who wants to suffocate on a sweaty underground tube platform when you can soak up the beautiful scenery of Hertfordshire. Sure, you might have to wait an extra 20 minutes for a train and there are constant delays whenever you’re late for school, but anything beats the Central line in summer.

The waiting rooms at stations like Moor Park and Watford also provide an ideal location for pres for all the youths in the surrounding area. Where else can we sneakily drink our WKD and have a tactical chunder at 9pm on a Saturday night, unbeknownst to our parents?

Underground Tattoo Shop

A day trip to Watford in secondary school means one of two things: Cassiobury Park or piercings. Sometimes both on a big day. Going in to Underground to get a piercing your parents don’t know about whilst your friends wait around the corner was part of growing up here. If they ask you how old you are you’re 16, always 16.

Cassiobury Park was our watering hole

The place where all schools within a five mile radius can finally get a chance to interact. Except Bushey Meads, they’re not invited. If you have the afternoon off school and you’re not lingering around Cassio waiting for the Watford boys to have lunch so you can “accidentally on purpose” bump into them, did you really grow up in Watford? Cast your minds back to a simpler time, where we were being awkwardly asked out behind the Lion King tree and smoking a sneaky spliff in the Dumps on Firework night. The memories are fond.

Even if we had trouble remembering, Facebook thoughtfully reminds us everyday of our ridiculous posed photos and statuses in which we list every person we laid eyes on that day, just to ensure everyone knew we had friends.

The M25

We’re on it. That’s pretty convenient I guess. It also gives anyone who lives inside it the excuse to introduce themselves as “from London” at uni. Just hope they don’t ask questions.

Watty, you may be grotty but we love you. Don’t ever change. (Unless it’s an improvement)