Hot or not: Everything you need to know to stay hot in Fallowfield

Of all the questions that get thrown at us at uni, there is one that is far more important than the others… am I hot or not? Now with most big questions we get, a few hours in the library and some extensive reading can lead to some sort of conclusion. Unfortunately this requires a bit more thought (and a read of this article).

The likelihood is, you’re hotter than you think (actually maybe not if you’re in first year). So the next time you are strutting your stuff around Fallow, own it. Remember, it’s not about how expensive the fit is, or how sleek your bun is.. hotness is a mindset.

We’ve looked back over this first month of teaching and thought about the real lessons we have learnt. So here’s a totally objective hot or not list so you can stay relevant in and around campus.

What’s hot?

Cycling into uni

Not being funny but have you seen the size of the Owens Park bus stop queue. Now that is just silly. Not only are you a sustainability icon, but also avoiding the £300 on a bus pass. For these reasons, you wont even get judged for turning up a little bit sweaty to a lecture. Credit to you.

Boom Box Barry on an electric scooter

The man, the myth, the legend. Now we know that some people find it hard to accept change, but let’s give credit where credit is due. Barry is moving with the times and staying relevant. Even though you do miss quite a lot of the songs because he flies past so quickly, Barry is still talk of the town. Fair play.

Putting a Sainsbury’s bag over your light in Oak House

From embracing change to following tradition. Whilst the old Sainos bag hack is not a new one, it’s a blooming good one. Oak House needs all the help it can get with improving its aesthetic. This is the oldest trick in the book for creating that edgy mood lighting grunge.

Decorating your back garden from a skip

As to quote Macklemore, one man’s trash is another man’s treasure. You are incredibly lucky is your second/third year house is already kitted out with any kind of bench, table or  chairs. For most of us, we need to adopt more of an up-cycling kind of approach. Sometimes all you need is a vision. Not everything has to be “useful”.

Sitting on your roof

We are at that time for the year in Manchester where there is approximately a two-hour window where the possibility of sitting outside is an option. Getting your daily dose of Vitamin D is always hot, but getting it on the roof of your house is the hottest. You get the views and the vibes. You can even be friendly from a distance. No talking required.

Packed Lunch on campus

Seriously, who is paying these Benugo and SU prices. A burrito for £7.99? No way. Buying a coffee to complete the library aesthetic is just about acceptable but don’t be fooled by anything else. Go to Aldi and buy some fun snacks. Huge fan of the primary school nostalgia (as per the below).

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Air-fryers

Not only are you a money saving expert, but you’re also time-savvy! If your house doesn’t have at least one air-fryer then make the investment. We promise you will not regret it. Air-fryers are so hot (no pun intended) and they make the most banging sweet potato chips.

Sunday house roast

Any activities that are remotely wholesome are hot. No one needs a fancy gravy boat or serving spoons. Grab your protein shaker, a bit of Bisto and Bobs your uncle. As an FYI, it costs only 18p to do a full Sunday roast in an air-fryer. No-bills included households, you need to get on this and trust us.

What’s not hot?

Full weekly shop at Sainos

For a start, that is not very money saving expert of you. We are in a cost of living crisis don’t you know. SFE is not going to cover it. Read the news. That shop has rinsed us students for too long. Plus you don’t want to catch a glimpse of your hungover self in those checkout screens. Last minute alcohol purchases are still hot.

Bills excluded houses

Again, we are in a cost-of-living crisis. Student landlords like to take the mick at the best of times. Don’t give yourself the fear of awaiting until the end of the month to know how much further you need to go into your overdraft.

Living in Unsworth

You may think you are, but you’re actually not that hot. You’re not getting the true Fallow experience. If you need an en-suite and a double bed that desperately, go back to Surrey (this pic is super wholesome though).

Going on a run through Fallow

Don’t get us wrong, running is so hot, but go somewhere else. Firstly, it makes everyone feel bad about themselves and so they resent you. Secondly, it’s so not aesthetic. Platt Fields is mildly acceptable, but the main high-street? Nope.

Not thanking the bus driver

Grow up. Gone are the days of “it’s their job”. Let’s keep up the student reputation. It really isn’t that hard. I’m hearing way too many of you leave the bus silently. You don’t even need to pause your music, a thumbs up would suffice.

Taking a photo of campus every time the sun is shining

We know what you’re going to say, “The sun hardly ever shines in Manchester!” We hear you but what are you doing with these pictures. Who are you sending these too? UoM is already in your bio, no one needs to know you go here by also being inundated with aesthetic Instagram stories (Yes, I am guilty of this but its always “for The Tab”)

Using the interactive map around campus

Just get lost. It’s so much hotter than using the interactive map. Being late to a lecture is not the end of the world. Walking around with your eyes glued to your phone stretched out in front of you, is.

Running for the 42

Running for any bus is a bit of a joke but there’s something about running for a bus without a “1” at the start. Our advice is to just miss the bus. You might be a couple minutes late to your lecture but at least you don’t have to endure the embarrassment all the way down curry mile. Don’t worry, a magic bus is on its way.

Playing for a Uni focus sport

You might look hot in all your sports gear and you might look hot at AU (well as long as your not a silly fresher) but apart from how you look, you’ve actually just signed up to the equivalent of a military boot camp. Just remember you’re in it for those glorious nights in 256.

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• 24 hours in the life of a Fallow fresher