The Naked Truth

There are certain, unspoken rules about nakedness. Despite living with two other girls, and each of us knowing each other’s specific pubic hair designs (or altogether lack thereof),  I’ve never seen either of them, nor have they seen me, completely, utterly, unashamedly, starkers. (That I know of – I’m afraid I cannot take responsibility for where I do and do not get undressed after returning home from the LCR.) There exists a kind of personal female nakedness that only you and maybe Gok Wan will ever be privy to.

Hands up if this guy’s seen more of you than your boyfriend?

Yet bizarrely, we seem to be persuading ourselves that we’re becoming ever more tolerant and liberal with our bodies. I mean, why else would the crop top have been dragged up from the 90’s and thrust into acceptability again? The trend of naked calendars that swept UK universities is another case in point. Our bodies are being released unto the world in a vortex of risqué fashion choices that are absolutely NOT slutty because you bought them from American Apparel, in tasteful black and white photographs, and perhaps just because we’re all learning that food does actually taste better than skinny feels (sorry Kate Moss…).

Manatees are kinda cute, don’t you think?

The UEA naked calendar was beautiful and fun, but I can guarantee you that when I undress: firstly, I don’t appear in black and white; secondly, I do not stand at a sultry 45 degree angle. I think I more accurately resemble a pale and apathetic manatee than one of these calendar photographs (though if any of the rowing team happen to like manatees, call me…).

You can sleep with someone, or be intimate with someone, without them ever having to see you naked. It is the point at which you choose to leave the lights on while you undress, or when you shower in their presence, or when you’re just close enough not to care anymore, that you subconsciously turn round and admit that you don’t possess ‘the gap’. That doesn’t mean that between your legs is an unpleasant place to be.

The gap, a feature celebrated by a Facebook page with 715,531 likes…

I don’t think we realise how difficult this still is to admit. We all want to feel sexy and attractive, but this is not the same as feeling comfortable and loved, and perhaps we reach the latter through encounters with the former…but for now, I think I might go photoshop a picture of a manatee into some disco pants and a crop top and see how that goes down.