Nelson Court is the best place on campus

Living in Nelson Court rather than the Ziggurats is like choosing to be on Made in Chelsea rather than TOWIE: you’re a pretentious wanker but you know everyone wants to be you.

Welcome to Nelson Court, 2013-14. Room G if we’re being specific.

If you’re reading this and shaking your head in disagreement, then stop kidding yourself: Nelson Court is the real deal.

I was ready to decorate

Look around you. Do you see a glorious en-suite that you don’t even have to clean yourself? Peer out of your window. Do you see the haven that is the LCR less than 50 feet from your room?

No? Then pipe down.

The beauty of Nelson Court

Nelson Court is the hotel of student accommodations. Embrace your role as a luxury guest (after all, UEA did decide to position Broadview Lodge right above it) because by the time it comes to second year, shit gets real.

Nobody else on campus lives so close to the LCR, where you’ll meet the love of your life and weep about it on Spotted.

Life-realisations will spring upon you mid vodka shot, and your shoes will be ruined forever.

LCR behind us

If it all gets a little too much at half 11 on a Tuesday night and you’re weeping about that formative essay you’ve got to write for next month, then don’t worry, you can just skip back to bed.

Go hard or go home never was more true than if you live in Nelson Court.

Because you’re not a ‘wannabe’ ensuite-r like those in The Village who compromise the privacy of their bowel movements with a ten minute trudge to campus, you can even lay a Hansel and Gretel track of chunder to guide your fellow housemates home if their livers have more endurance than yours.

My baby

The morning after the night before, a very hungover me was on the phone to my mum. Upon telling her that I’d had to leave the comfort of the LCR because I kept falling over and my knees were sticking to the floor, she shouted down the phone: “But Alice! You walked back all by yourself!? You know how dangerous it is!”

“Oh Mummy dearest,” I scoffed, “Don’t you know my room is practically an extension of the LCR?”

Having said that, I couldn’t quite make it the last few paces to my bedroom and slept in the hallway that night. Living on the top floor was tough.

The hangovers are bad, but the rooms are big.

Nelson Court rooms allow you to put two beds in next to each other so you and your flatmates can vomit in unison or watch trashy romcoms to ease the pain.

Queen B watching over you is always ideal

Now, hygiene is either because you’re an OCD warrior or because you’re too lazy to be a proper adult yet.

But don’t fear – you’ve got your cleaner who will empty your bin daily, detox your bathroom once a week, and scrub clean the kitchen twice weekly. You need to hoover your room? Then just let the cleaner know and they’ll bring that hoover right on up for you if your arms just can’t take it.

The en-suite also functions as a space for pranking

Living in Nelson Court made me feel like a character from Downton Abbey. If something broke? Not a problem, same-day repair service for the upper-class of students accommodation. We got through three microwaves.

We got through three cleaners as well.

Living so close to the campus shop is the Best Thing Ever.

Freshers’ fifteen is an unbeatable disease – you will not win this battle. Give in to those 10 O’clock cravings and stroll to the night hatch to buy a pot noodle, biscuits, milkshakes, or anything else that your mum banned you from having more than once a year.

You don’t want to be living in Constable Terrace (the identical layout of Nelson Court but in the shittest location ever) and trudge all the way to get your chocolate buttons in the pitch dark. Nelson Court recognises that students get hungry.

And despite the price of the shop food, don’t worry if you have to miss out on the latest gig ticket. I listened to all of The 1975’s set from the comfort of my bedroom, and could position myself perfectly.

Living in Nelson Court also meant I could queue for hours to see Paolo Nutini and pop to and from my flat to get snacks.

I was at the front of the queue and Paolo held my hand. We are very much in love.

The communal kitchen space with its gloriously large window is also ideal: you can wave at the ziggurats wankers who glare in enviably at the elite quality of your student halls, but more so than that, you can people watch. I’m not quite sure why this isn’t an official UEA society yet, but someone should definitely make it one.

You can even set your alarm clock so that you’re up and ‘having your breakfast’ just when the beautiful model from another flat strolls past on his walk to lectures.

We’re the closest to this beauty as well.

The window also offers an opportunity for you to showcase the decorations Poundland has to offer. We decorated like crazy. We wasted student loans on Halloween bunting, banners, lights, Christmas snowflakes, anything really that was cheap. It was fabulous.

The Nelson Court wire ledge outside also caters for optimum window climbing opportunities.

My flatmate crawled through the window into a second-level room, and unlocked the door. My other housemate came back from a lecture to find her bedroom in the kitchen.

Sleeping downstairs

Nelson Court is where dreams are made. I miss it so much. If only the walls of 01G could talk, oh the stories they’d tell…