What does your campus lunch stop say about you?

It’s 1pm and you’ve just left the seminar you spent sleeping in. You’re awake now, dribble down your left cheek, and it’s time for lunch.

Here’s what your choice of food outlet says about you.

Campus Kitchen

You were really gutted when you found out there’s no catered accommodation at UEA, as you can’t tell a carrot from a sweet potato (genuinely) and quickly realised you were pretty much screwed.

If it wasn’t for Campus Kitchen you would never eat anything that wasn’t instant or beige throughout the entirety of your degree. It’s the closest thing to your mum’s cooking that you’re going to find, to be honest.

Blend

Unwilling to wait in the queues for Campus Kitchen, you slyly head upstairs for your macaroni cheese, only then to find an even longer one. Never mind.

Zest

The maturer student, you were by far the worst affected when they put the price of soup up significantly. Their attempt at appeasing you with croutons left you even sourer.

Unio

Incapable of turning up to any lecture without a branded disposable cup in hand, your coffee order is more complicated that Spencer Matthews’ love life. You’re also really proud of your outfit today and want as many people as people to see it as possible, hence choosing the Hive as your lunch stop.

But hey, you probably do look really great.

Mustard

You’re willing to pay that extra 50p for a little bit of ~*latte art*~. You probably live off Unthank and the Playhouse bar is your second home.

The bar

You’re such a #lad, hitting up a cheeky pint and baguette in between lectures – maybe even two. You’re unstoppable, a machine, but the bar staff really aren’t as impressed with your absolutely banterous idea as you thought they were going to be – and when you turn up to two hours of Biology slightly pissed, your lab partner’s probably not going to be too pleased either.

INTO

You fully know that this is by far one of the best food outlets on campus, and that it’s way better value for money than Campus Kitchen. You sit there smugly with your chicken risotto and mango ice tea, surveying your domain, pitying the poor souls queueing in the Shop and Unio whilst you sit there with a glimmering view of, er, Victory House.

Sainsbury Centre

They talk about the views, but they never mentioned the Qs… (The excessive quid that you’re paying for something that is £1.90 max elsewhere on campus). As beaut as it may be,  forking out half of your weekly money just for a sandwich feels diabolical, and yet you continue to trot down to the farthest corner of campus for your remote lunch break as you read some Wordsworth.

The cake is good but it’s not that good, you realise as you solemnly hand your fiver over to the barista.

Cafe Direct

Sitting on the tables outside Ziggy’s (or Cafe Direct to the old-timers) while you smoke your rollie, you look well cool. However it’s February, and you’re obviously freezing despite your 16 layers. Go get a sofa inside before you catch pneumonia.

The shop

Really? Your meal deal is neither as imaginative nor as savvy as you think it is.

Packed lunch

As you’re sat in the square unclingfilming your ham sandwiches, don’t think you’re safe in the anonymity of the crowded steps. Everyone sees your pathetic Aldi ensemble, and we’re all judging you.

You’re probably flirting with a maxed-out overdraft, and we’re only in the third week of the semester. The reason we are averting our eyes and pretending not to notice is because we genuinely feel your pain.