Vote for UEA’s most eligible bachelor: Heat two

Thousands of you voted in heat one, and now it’s time to put your judgmental hat on again. It’s heat two, and the competition is stepping up.

You’ve been entering your absolutely ladgendary friends in swarms, and this evening is your last call to submit applications for UEA’s MEBOC (most eligible bachelor on campus) competition. For details on how to apply, click here.

Without further ado, let’s hear it for the boys.

John Kahodi

Second year, Economics

“John Kahodi can pull off a carrot top haircut, and he might have slept with your girl in the past and probably won’t text you back but an all round good guy.”

Oscar Santos Bastos

Second year, Modern Languages and Translation

“This Spanish Stallion is fluent in Spanish, English, Japanese, Arabic and the Language of Love. His lust for life meant he prioritised working at the Rio Olympics 2016 over exam retakes, just like he would prioritise you. UEAs 1st futsal team benefits from his skilled footwork as does the LCR dance floor and his charm and humour will keep you warm this cold winter. Oscar’s been playing the field for a while now, but now he’s ready to score the winning girl.”

Will

Second year, Economics

“A north London bad boy, who isn’t afraid to show it. Armed with his gang sign eyebrows, yung J is ready to take a cut for his brethren, or his ladies… Despite this hard exterior he’s in touch with his feminine side, taking style inspiration from the likes of Kylie Jenner- knowing his koko k lip kit from his maliboo, ensuring his luscious lips are ripe for the kissing. Who knows how he broke his wrist, a mis-step in a soothing serenade of Drake’s “one dance” perhaps? Or a gang brawl? Whatever the cause William James aka yung W is a seducer to all ladies of Norwich.”

Joel Berryman

Second year, Business Management

“Every night out he gets with at least 3+ girls and takes one of them home; drink is not a good influence for him. His tinder is constantly on fire. Snapchat is his playground, but yet he doesn’t like the effort of texting, and ends up pieing most ladies off within the week. It sure takes something special for him to stick around, but that doesn’t make him any less of an eligible bachelor.”

Mohammad Hedeshi

Second year, Politics

“Mohammad Hedeshi to be UEAs most eligible bachelor. He’s a second year politics student, and is very good with the ladies. He is rather funny, knowing precisely how to make a girl a laugh, which with his good looks, solid fashion choices and confidence makes him a bachelor and a half.”

Ben Warburton

First year, Art History

Where do I begin with this fine young man? Perhaps the fact he’s on crutches and so won’t be going anywhere anytime soon. He’s studying Art History so he’s obviously an emotionally aware, woke young fellow. He’s a lovely chap with a heart of gold. Not only is he at one with art but also with the rugby field, getting down and dirty on a weekly basis (pre injury). Choose my guy.”

Alexander Simpson

Third year, Maths

“Alexander is a man who has a lot of love,
This love is for the gym, and we’ve just had enough
All this chat about curls, gains, chicken and meat
He needs a nice girl, a girl he can keep

Warm with his 8 pack, and we’re not talking about rolls
His abs are defined, and nobody knows
This fella is as dedicated and committed as can be
His chat aint so bad, but maybe you’ll see

With this charming essex, mummys boy
Needs a girlfriend for christmas, to be his next toy
He’ll take her out for dinner, to wine and dine
Checking himself in the mirror to make sure he looks fine

So meet UEA’s most eligible man, he sure is a catch
If you like gym too, then you’re sure to be a match
So give it up for Alex, the male work of art
Mr Simpson will be sure to steal your heart.”

Ryan Minshull

Second year, Economics

“My boy ryan or Minty as he names himself would is the most eligible bachelor on campus. Despite an unwarranted reputation as a fuckboy, he usually gets home from a night out alone, crawls into my bed because he doesn’t want to be alone. Please take him off my hands. I can confirm he is an excellent big spoon. Thanks to a lackadaisical attitude to work he has bare time to give a lucky woman.”

Max Gracie

Second year, French and Spanish

“While he is known by some as Maximillion due to his history of pulling large numbers of girls, Max is the true gentleman. He’ s always first to help when a member of the group can’t handle the sesh & he once walked a girl back to dereham road after LCR despite living in halls to ensure she got back safely. Unfortunately he hasn’t managed to settle down with a girl in the long term, but this Romeo has an iron chest with a heart beating underneath for one lucky lady.”

James Loydall

First year, Economics

“An eligible bachelor is a person considered to be a particularly desirable potential husband, usually due to wealth, social status or other specific personal qualities. Ladies if this is what your heart desires, then look no further. Mr James Loydall of Colman house is undoubtedly the strongest candidate… To you he would be the best husband any woman could dream of, with his high expectations for life his future is destined to be successful, opulent and fancy. Girls otherwise, forget it.”

Sadian

Third year, Medicine

“If he isn’t on the LCR dancefloor cutting shapes and getting your pulse racing, he’s pumping iron at the local gym. Face of a child (with a beard), but body of man. This is definitely the guy you want to take home to meet your parents!”

Mitch Hoverd

First year, International Relations

“Looking at his model-esque poses, slick dance moves and boundless drunk love, Mitch ‘one shot’ Hoverd would be quite a catch for a lucky lady at UEA. With his unique style, described by his admirers as “original hipster,” Mitch is endowed with impressive self-confidence. Mitch is an animal lover at heart, and his sensitive side came out when he tragically lost his toy bunny in freshers’ week- he needs this gap filling and has lots of love to give. A reformed character, from bad-boy to head boy of his sixth form, unfortunately Mitch still doesn’t know how to shave the bum-fluff from his chin so he is in dire need of a young lady to tame not only his facial hair but also his carnal desires. Mitch is a pro chef, primarily of his nan’s frozen meals, and would love someone to cook for. A lacrosse athlete whose talents unfortunately do not extend to facing, Mitch is looking for a WAG who can keep up with his banterous personality and socialite status, but also teach him what the morning looks like.”

Rob Klim

Second year, History

“Deploring beauty both inside and out, not only does he have an extensive memory of the names of your favourite dinosaurs but he also has sick hand-eye coordination from playing Quidditch at UEA. These abilities are useful in many situations. He climbed UEA’s Christmas tree in the name of Bernie Sanders and he will come and sit on your Christmas tree anyday…”

Vinny Singh

Third year, Psychology

“Let’s be honest, why wouldn’t you consider Cambodia’s #3 ping pong player to be UEA’s most eligible bachelor? There is never a dull moment when this enigmatic 20-year-old is around. Actor, writer, director, singer, public speaker and overall general visionary – Vinny Singh does it all. Being in the company of this extraordinary dream-weaver will leave you with so many questions that you will be begging to spend more time with him. You know what they say, get yourself a man that can transition from rapping Alphabet Aerobics to performing a breath-taking rendition of Beyonce’s Halo and a one-man version of Bohemian Rhapsody in just a few mere seconds. Just be warned, once you let Vinny into your life, there is no going back…”

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