So, you’re going to Motion for the first time…

Welcome freshers, welcome. Having painfully pried your hands from the protective grip of mummy and daddy, your eyes wide with excitement at the prospect of a new city, you may be about to get a cold harsh reality check.

See, once the freshers events are all out of the way, it won’t be long before your first “proper” Bristol night out, where it’s all about the music and not the fancy dress theme.

Bristol prides itself on a thriving underground music scene, the best of which is represented by skate park-cum-nightclub Motion.

If one look at Motion’s lineup of nights for this term has you scratching your head and asking “Who’s Andy C?”, chances are you’ll stick out like a sore thumb when surrounded by a load of hardened vibesy Bristolians with souped-up serotonin levels.

You might think these instructions are ridiculous and you’ll look odd, but it doesn’t matter if you end up looking like a deranged child in their dressing up box having an identity crisis.

You’ve got to remind yourself and everyone else that you look SICK. Sicker than sick. And by sicker than sick, I mean (and this is the most important word you will learn this year)…

WAVEY

If this word initially causes confusion, take some time to refer to the Urban Dictionary definition: “Lookin Fly, Swaggarific And Cool”.

If this STILL causes confusion, resulting in potential heart palpitations or the shakes, this beginner’s guide should set you on the right path. Okay, you won’t be box fresh, foil fresh or even clean and fresh by the end of this, but you may just be able to get a hint of the “wavey don” look (see Urban Dictionary again).

MANDATORY BUCKET HAT

Just because these hats were designed for the fishing and farming industry to provide protection from the rain and sun, doesn’t stop wavey brehs from donning them pon di dance floor. When two bucket hat wearers meet, the occasion is marked by a celebratory “wavveeeyyyyyyy donnnnnn” and a feverish and approving nod at each other.

So, don that bucket hat and join the club.

GLITTER. BINDIS.

GLITTER EVERYWHERE. GLITTER FACES, GLITTER LIPS, GLITTER HAIR. SPRINKLE THAT S*** EVERYWHERE.

No one is going to judge you for looking like you’ve faceplanted a fairy’s bum crack.

A cautionary tale regarding bindis: once upon a time, one wavey galdem jumped the queue at Lakota (Motion’s vibesy cousin), only to be heckled “STUPID BINDY B*TCH”.

The offender was quickly identified by the bouncers and thrown out. Never insult the bindi.

HAIR OMG HAIR

Remember the deranged child identity crisis look we mentioned earlier – this wavey raver’s nailed it. Nailed it.

SHLID

Motion isn’t a playground for the simple short back and sides look. A load of sick wavey dons like this guy have just got back to Bristol from their gap years and Thailand.

These kids boss all kind of shit looks, from mullets, pony tails, and rat tails to shaved patches, plaits, and dreadlocks.  If you aren’t getting suitably weird with your hair, be prepared to be called a “side-man” and given the male equivalent of the Mean Girls treatment: “you cannot sit with us”.

CAMO

Straight out, camo makes you look like a boss man. A really, really safe boss man. This kid is such a boss man, he stands in the middle of the escalator with his arms out.

HE DON’T PLAY BY NO ONES RULES. HE SAFE. HE WAVEY. HE BREAKS RULES. Safe.

CO-ORDS

Oh yeahh matchy matchy matchy bitchez.

You can create a sort of intimidating gang impression by all wearing the same outfit but in different colours. Imagine being harassed by a group of schizophrenic Baby Spices…trendy-freakin-WENDY.

ANIMAL PRINT

Hold up. This gal went to the sea, saw the waves, and nailed the wave.

Fur scarf with leopard print top, plus a bit of netting and camo on the side, earns this galdem some serious swagga don territory. Literally so wavey she could make Versace look like Gap. Match this and you’ve got the Motion look.

Now let’s see if you’ve learned anything.

BEFORE

Poor, sad, darling, little Augusta. How bleak and boring her life is.

While the rest of her friends rank as intense gamma and beta waves on the electromagnetic spectrum, she is barely achieving a pathetic attempt at riding a radio wave. Almost flat-lining.

AFTER

YES YES OH YES GUS!

Finally after some intense soul searching, Gus realised she would never amount to anything in life if she didn’t take control of her garms.

Her lack of care in her clothing threatened her with an existence among the notorious of Brizzy, but she’s followed practically every step of our guide and just look at the result.

OH HAWT DAYM she’s wearing a TIARA AND A CAMO BUCKET HAT!

She true divine wave. ‘Nuff said.