Forget student satisfaction scores, Bristol’s the best uni in the world

Flick through a Bristol prospectus and you’ll learn we’re at one of the top 30 universities in the world, and that 80 per cent of students graduate with at least a 2:1.

Problem with all this is that stats and rankings are meaningless once you’re actually here. What’s far more important is the quality of the city you’re in, and let’s face it: there’s nowhere better than Bristol.

Not convinced? Let us prove you wrong.

We look beaut

Ride the waves

Bristol has more waves than a Mexican football stadium, more edges than an icosahedron, more substance than Charlie Sheen’s nose, and more bant than the British Association for Applied Nutrition & Nutritional Therapy (B.A.N.T.).

Bristolisation ups your waviness by a factor of 3.

On the back of Mommy and Daddy’s credit card, coming here means you say hello to snapbacks, beads and camo as you trade Hollister for Oxfam, One Direction for CHVRCHES, and study supplies for “study supplies.”

So, let cigarettes be smoked, the UV paint fly, and arguments over who heard that new deep house track everyone loves first.

Our beats are sick

Getting ready to throw some serious shapes

I’m talking Ebola level of sick.

Fronted by the monolithic Motion, DJ Mag’s 29th best club in the world, Bristol attracts the biggest names in UK dance music such as Annie Mac, Fatboy Slim and Sub Focus.

Motion is clubbing’s big brother: the older, cooler version of what you’re used to. It dick-slaps cheesy nights in the face, and brings you into a new world of raving so get the right treads, the right buzz, and get ready to go mental.

All that said, Motion is just the tip of the iceberg of Bristol’s music scene. Nights and festivals such as Wide Eyes, Itchy Feet, Tokyo Dub and Love Saves the Day will cater to anyone’s musical needs.

We’re not afraid to get cheesy

There’s no shame in being out at a trap/drumstep/deep house night and thinking, “This is great, but right now I really want to make some shapes to Anaconda”.

Enter Lounge.

Lounge is a beautifully disgusting place. It’s a club where sweat rises to the top of the room and rains on top of you. A club where your friend can be sucked into the crowd and never seen again. A club with sticky floors, cheap shots, and cheesiest of tunes.

Lounge is dirt cheap (emphasis on the dirt), a piece of cheesy heaven which everyone craves once in a while.

Odds are first time you go you’ll hate it, but it grows on you, like a drug. Once you get hooked, you’ll keep coming back for more.

We’ve got a better SU than Oxford

Remember the pain of not getting into Oxbridge? Well, at least you now have a better Students Union.

Guardian rankings rate our SU as better than the one representing the toffs in Oxford, though we are still a miserable 120th nationally.

Don’t think the SU is all that? Just ask anyone who went to the Summer Ball last year and they’ll prove you wrong.

Oh wait…

Our saviour, Jason Donervan

Remember when you first drunkenly stumbled across this van, looked at it, and said to a mate: “Ha, I get it”?

Donervan is a place to eat, cry, and sober up as well as offering the perfect end to a night out on the triangle.

No matter whether there’s a Summer Ball this year or not, we’ll always have Jason.

Look around, you mugs, Bristol is gorgeous

Where else could you get buildings covered in street art and a gigantic water slide down Park Street?

Bristol has an amazing history and is covered by beautiful landmarks, such as Cabot Tower: an ideal spot for a cry or taking your clothes off.

Oh yeah and Ribena was invented here, so take that Cambridge.