We cooked with Custard Creams for a week, and it was actually pretty good

James, Francis and Chris fucking love Custard Creams, so they decided to eat the biscuit for every single meal one week. Breakfast, lunch, and dinner: custard creams all the way.

Doctors say you need 2,500 calories a day to keep going, but getting that amount by buying normal, boring food is way too expensive.

Instead, you can buy three packs of creams a day and have all your calories with some biscuits left over. All for only £4.20 (forgetting the cost of the inevitable medical bills).

As eating Custard Creams for a week is about as dull as going to Syndicate on Friday every week, the guys decided to get a bit experimental in the kitchen and try using the biscuit in some classic recipes.

Needless to say, there were mixed results.

Breakfast

Custard Cream cereal

Nutritious and delicious

Breakfast each day was pretty straightforward. There’s nothing better than a morning bowl of milk and creams if you want a good intake of vitamin D and a sugar rush to keep you going all day.

The makeshift cereal proved to be a success all round, getting a thumbs up from each of the guys.

James said: “You could actually sell this in shops, it’s that good”.

7/10

Custard Cream omelette

Not content with cereal for breakfast, the guys decided to try something a bit more advanced one day.

This led to the Custard Cream omelette: a combination of biscuits, eggs, cheese and butter. A perfect way to get the morning gains in.

An eggy, custardy delight

Despite looking absolutely horrendous, the lads thought this worked surprisingly well, and ended up having it for most of the week.

Chris said: “the sweetness of the creams complemented the savoury flavour of the egg and created a kind of pancake-esque hybrid”.

6/10

Lunch

Custard Cream sandwich with mixed salad

Xzibit would really appreciate this sandwich

Of course, Custard Creams are a sandwich by themselves, so this lunch option is a sandwichception of bread, creams, butter, and a mixed salad.

As cool as that sounds though, the lads weren’t so keen. In fact, this was voted the worst meal of the entire week. Maybe it was the salad?

“It was a right mare,” said Francis.

3/10

Custard Cream protein shake

Will help you go 33 per cent longer

Wednesday was game day and James had a match to get to. Not having enough money to buy a sports drink he went for a homemade classic combo: blended creams, protein shake, milk and ice cream. That’s sure to get the muscles going.

Against all expectations, James actually liked it.

“It was really good, I wouldn’t be surprised if it was on sale in Shakeaway.”

8.5/10

Dinner

Deep fried Custard Creams

Their first dinner delicacy of the week was deep fried custard creams.

Covered in egg, flour and breadcrumbs, the fried creams sizzled away, taking the form of doughnut like delights.

He actually quite liked the taste

The finished result, despite some initial uncertainty, was met with enthusiastic approval. The guys even went as far as saying they were an improvement on normal creams.

Chris said: “It’s basically heart failure on a plate, but they’re pretty good.”

7/10

Sweet and sour Custard Creams

I’ll pass, thanks

Swapping out the chicken for creams, this recipe was probably the biggest gamble of the week. After all, Custard Creams don’t really have a lot in common with Asian spices.

The creams were thrown into a wok with some noodles and sweet and sour sauce, stir fried together, and served with a nice chianti.

This was a mistake

Unsurprisingly, the dish failed on every level.

5/10

Late night snacking

Custard Creams on the way back from Lounge

No more cheesy chips for him

Social time! The drinks have been flowing but now it’s got to the end of the night and you need a drunken snack.

Why go to Donervan though, when you can bring a pack of tactical biccies on the night out with you and sober up in the sweetest way possible.

James said: “The whole packet were drunkenly delicious”.

8/10

You don’t need to buy anything else any more

By the end of the week, our three experimental eaters had loved the whole thing so much they went out and bought another weeks worth of biscuits.

While they’d definitely recommend everyone starts putting more custard creams into their diet, it might be a good idea to not go too overboard. After all, that sweet and sour really was disgusting.